Client Spotlight: Doing Whatever it Takes with Tanya Wilson

Do you feel like you are surviving your life or building your life?

My guest today, is a client of mine and we started working together because she felt consumed by her work. She loves her work AND loves her family and was struggling to juggle them both.  Tanya puts so much heart into everything she does and it has been an honor to help her channel her incredible drive and energy into the other important areas of her life, which has set her businesses up to thrive even more.

Tanya Wilson is the owner and CEO of Priority Pumping (a septic and wastewater service company).  She is the host of the Ladies Kickin Ass podcast where she connects, builds community and mentors other women working in the home service industry.  She is married, has 5 children, and a very full plate.  

You are going to love her honesty and courage to do the hard things for the sake of the things that are most important to her.

Tanya generously shares …

• how her identity was tied to her work
• how making decisions based on the past kept her stuck in moving forward
• how addressing the root of the matter has freed her up 
• the challenges of loving your work and upholding your marriage
• goal setting
• and so much more!

Enjoy this conversation!

Learn more about Tanya:
https://tanyawilson.page/

Learn more about Carla:  https:/www.carlareeves.com/

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Learn more about Carla:
Website: https://www.differentlyco.com

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Transcript

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SPEAKER_02 0:00

I'm Carla Reeves, and this is Differently. After a decade of coaching individuals from corporate leaders to creative artists to multimillion dollar CEOs, I'm convinced we are far closer than we realize to what we deeply desire. And it's a willingness to do differently that can change everything. Whether you feel stuck in survival, navigating a change, or seeking more for your life, may this be your weekly nudge to take a risk to build a life that is uniquely bold, authentic, and in alignment with your deepest values. Do you feel like you're surviving your life or building your life? My guest today is a client of mine, and we started working together because she felt consumed by her work. She loves her work and loves her family and was struggling to juggle them both. She puts so much heart into everything she does, and it has been an honor to help her channel her incredible drive and energy into the other important areas of her life, which has actually set her business up to thrive even more. Tanya Wilson is the owner and CEO of Priority Pumping. She's the host of the Ladies Kick and Ass podcast. She's married and they have five children and a very full plate. Our conversation today is so open and real, and she generously shares about how her identity was tied to her work, how she was making decisions that were based on the past and kept her stuck in really moving forward, how addressing the root of a matter has freed her up all over her life, the challenges of loving your work and upholding your marriage, goal setting, and so much more. Get comfy and join our conversation. It's an honor to introduce you to Tanya. Hi Tanya, welcome to differently. Thank you for having me. I am really excited to have this conversation. And it's really meaningful to me when a client is willing to come on the podcast and really just share your experience because I think it's for other people, it's hard to always know what it looks like to work on your life and what that even means, right? Like in business, we know what that means to, you know, work in your business and then step out and work on your business, but we don't talk a lot about what it means to like be in your life and then work on your life. And you're such a beautiful example of that. We've worked together since uh April of last year, and um, I'm just excited to have you here. So why don't you give everybody a sense of who you are and what chapter of life this is for you and a sense of your business and what you do?

SPEAKER_00 3:03

Sure. Well, thank you for all that. That was a very nice introduction. Um, so my name is Tanya Wilson, and I oh gosh. Why are introductions so hard? I I love to work and I love my family, and I struggle with juggling those two things. Um, I own a septic and wastewater company located in Gilbert, Arizona. Um, it is a the only woman-owned business of that nature that I know of in Arizona. So I'm happy to head that up and lead that team. Um, I've been in that business. I've been in this industry for about 13 years. Um, I've had this specific business for just over five. So super love that. Um, I am also a wife, uh, mama, and I have five kids, uh, ranging from six to 14. So busy is an understatement for what we do all day long between that. And I am also a fellow podcaster. I have a podcast called Ladies Kick an Ass, and it is targeted and specifically made for women that want to literally do that, that want to kick some ass, want to enjoy their life, want to enjoy their business. It is geared towards women that work in the home service industry. I find that there's not a whole lot of support for the ladies that are in that industry, whether you're out in the field working or if you're behind the scenes, you're helping run one of those businesses. And there are a lot of women that work in them. So I want to be able to, I could never find a community like that that I wanted to be a part of. So I decided to create one myself. So um I really do love being able to share my knowledge uh with other women and cheer them on and watch them be able to build wildly successful businesses while still being, you know, a badass mama and a wife and enjoying their own life, you know, taking care of themselves, which I think that we forget to do so many times. So it has been a pure pleasure to work with you. I can't even begin to describe how much I have grown personally working with you. And I know that I came on to to start working with you because I was really struggling this last year uh with my marriage, with a lot of confidence in myself, taking a ton of business coursework and was doing great with that. But somewhere there was a disconnect, and you have been able to help me connect those links. Even as before we started this today, there was another one. So it'll be great for starting the new year. So it's incredible what can happen when you work great on your business, but you have to work on yourself, or one or the other will explode your entire life. So it has been a pleasure to work with you and to learn things from you. So I'm excited to dive more into what we've been working on.

SPEAKER_02 6:14

Yeah. I um, you know, I think what you describe as your challenge was my challenge too. And what I'm finding is just more and more of the people I work with is their their lives just they, you know, they get into work and they love their work and they're good at their work. And then all of a sudden they find themselves kind of lopsided in their life, with their work being a place of, you know, a place where they feel really confident and they can measure success. And um, you know, they they know what to do there. And um, it often becomes an escape to um maybe not face the other parts of our life that we that are really deeply important. And I remember when you, and I just want to give a shout out to Mindy Jones because you and I met at one of her amazing events. And um, I'm so grateful for that connection. I'm so grateful to know you and Tanya, the way that you have taken on this work in your life and integrated so quickly. Like I'm always amazed after our calls how quickly you integrate whatever you know stood out to you in our conversation. And so you were on a big mission when you and I met. Like I remember you saying I something like I want to work myself out of a job, or put it in your words, but you were really on a big mission. So tell us a little bit about that.

SPEAKER_00 7:43

Yes. So that was my big goal for 2022 was to work myself out of a job. And what I mean by that is at the beginning of 22, I had two home service companies that I was running, the Priority Pumping, the septic company, and then Junkrate, a junk removal business. Both of them extremely demanding of time. Um, the junk removal business had run into some snags at a business partner that had stolen a bunch of money. And it just, you know what? I just had a bad taste in my mouth. Starting at the beginning of the year, I was trying to juggle so many things. Um being a mom of all of these kids. And definitely my husband fell to the bottom of that totem pole because he was sufficient to take care of himself. Um, sadly, that's what happens when you have too much on your plate. So last year, my big goal was I'm just gonna work myself out of a job. I'm gonna hire enough people so that I don't have to be here every day and I don't have to be working in this business. I can work on it. Well, I did successfully hire a great team of people that are now working in the business and I can work on the business, but in doing so, I kind of lost myself in all of that too, because I was so dedicated to this business. I wasn't as present with my kids. I definitely wasn't present with my husband. He actually works in the business with me, so our entire marriage just turned into nothing but work, work, work all the time. Um, so although it I'll be a great goal to be able to do that, at the end of the year, we had I rem it was so enlightening a conversation that we had that I slightly mentioned, I'm so sick of this junk removal business, and here's my reasons why. And you very just frankly was like, Well, why don't you get rid of it? Why don't you close it down? Why don't you I can't remember exactly what you said, but it was like it was literally like the permission I needed to be able to say, you know what? You are not this business if you decide um to close this down. You are not a failure because you decided not to continue pursuing this. But this that was truly the permission I needed to be able to say, look, if I want to work on my businesses and not be in them all the time, I have to offload something because there's only so much everybody can do. And it was a beautiful decision to make that within two weeks after we had talked again. I had already closed that down and was on to the next chapter of what I wanted to work on. Had I done that earlier in the year, I think I would be even further along of working on my business instead of in it. I need a couple more little positions filled, and I I feel like it would be a really great step to be able to do that. But it sometimes um, you know, it's you helped me realize through our work this year that you are not your value's not tied to your productivity. Um I get emotional about that because I've always viewed myself that way. Like my value is tied to how well my business is doing or how much money I'm making, or really what the business is doing. Because, like you said before, you can measure your value at a business because you can measure numbers when I'm at home being a mom. Sometimes sometimes your kids love you and sometimes they don't on the surface, you know. Um, yes, sometimes you can have arguments with your spouse, and you're like, I'm just going back to work. At least here everybody likes me, or they pretend to, you know. Um it's it was something that I truly had to tear away from like, what what value do I provide to this world that is not associated with a business or a person? Because I think on the controversy of that, you can look uh at, you know, um, women that's that may not be outside of the homeworking but are inside of the homeworking, and their whole self-worth is tied to how their kids feel about them or what their kids are wearing or how their kids are taken care of or how their husband's taken care of. And you're so much more than than those things. So really diving into yourself and figuring out who you are and how you can contribute to the world, um it's a lot of work, but it's such a rewarding uh way to live your life because shit happens and things fall apart. And when you are tied to something that can be taken away from you, uh, you know, everything and everything that makes sense to you, you start questioning. So I think it's been it's been super amazing for me to work with someone that has struggled like with that stuff in the past, too, of this hyperachiever mentality um equals great self-worth. And realizing that there's there's a lot of wealth and just the stillness of being you.

SPEAKER_02 13:20

Yeah, I mean, there's so much in what you just said, but I think a couple things. Um one is anytime we set out to make a big change, right? Like you wanted to work yourself out of this job. Um we have to more importantly than take the actions to work yourself out of the job, which is, you know, make sure your team is in place and start delegating and whatever those things are. But the more important foundational work is understanding and addressing the root of what has created that, because if you don't address the root in the foundation, Tanya, you would have gone and probably done a lot of the right actions, but those behaviors that had you feel needed and successful in your work would have pulled you right back in. And that's what's been really amazing watching you is as you address that, you then set yourself up to create more sustainable, lasting change. And that's really what we're after. And when you talk about that business, that conversation, I just want listeners to know like you were so clear. Like when you described to me the business and what was happening, like it was just like, oh my gosh, of course, this is what you would do is close the business, right? Like I could see from over here. And this is why having someone else and in looking into your life with you can be so helpful because we don't often don't see it ourselves, but you were already so clear, and I just helped you cut the last little tie that was there, right?

SPEAKER_00 15:08

Yes, and it was so important to have that because I've said that to my husband so many times. Like, I was like, even when all the crap went down with the theft and everything before, we were like, give me a year, let me try to fix this, let me try to turn around, let me try to do all this. And even talking to him, he's like, uh, you know, he said the same thing you said. But it was truly like this validation to me of somebody that's not emotionally invested in this, that's looking at it, saying, What do you do? You know what you should do with this, just do that. Like, oh my gosh, she doesn't think I'm a failure if I close this thing. She understands why I did this, that it was like the validation that I needed to do that. I think that's why community is so important, is sometimes you need somebody from outside of your bubble to come in and and shed some real light on, you know, those things that you're so scared of that you can't, you don't really know that. But yeah, once you said that, I knew exactly what my fears were surrounding that and and they didn't exist anymore.

SPEAKER_02 16:14

Well, and speak to that piece because I think so many people can relate to this is that piece of that fear of failure, right? There was something that from the past that was kind of collapsing onto the present that had you tolerating and kind of hanging on to something longer than you needed to, right? And we can all like probably think of times in our life where we do that, and addressing that is so important because you can free yourself from that, right? So speak a little bit to what that was for you.

SPEAKER_00 16:47

So in 2014, I had a septic company with my ex-husband, uh, with my kid's dad. And um we had grown this business. We started in 2009 and we had grown this business. Um, it was it was a beautiful business. We ended up losing the entire thing uh due to his drug addiction and him title loaning off all of our equipment that I didn't know anything about until they decided to come and pick it all up. So I felt like I had worked my butt off to build this business, and then it was the rug was just ripped out from underneath me, and it was devastating on so many levels. Um, you know, I lost my husband, I lost my business, lost my source of income, I lost the security I had with all of that, and I just had all of this negativity still built up. I've done so much work to try to release the anger that had built up over the years of that, but there was still this fear in the back of my head that people that knew about that happening in the past would associate me as a failure. If I quit doing this other business, you're gonna be, oh, she lost another business or she closed did this. It wasn't even that I that I lost the junk removal business, it was that I made a decision that that wasn't my passion anymore and I decided to take it somewhere else. But in my head, I was factoring it in as a failure because I was quitting at something. And one of the most important things like I've ever heard that really helped me with that after we had that conversation. I was reading Jamie Kernlima's book, and she was talking about like know when to quit, you know. Um sometimes quitting one thing is a door opening to another opportunity somewhere else, you know. If things aren't working, things aren't going the direction that you want them to be in. So many times, if you're in personal development or anything that you're invested in that, people will say, Well, you don't fail unless you quit, or you don't this, and they associate those two words together and they're truly not the same thing. You can choose to quit doing something and not be considered a failure. And so I that's where the disconnect was for me was failing quitting meant failing. And that's not always the truth because if I didn't quit doing that, I wouldn't be enjoying the things that I'm working on now with my daughter or or continuing to build our ladies kicking ass community because there's there was no time and there was bleeding resources that I can now put into those other businesses that I'm truly passionate about. And it just it will light your soul on fire when you're not being drugged down with that fear of failure. Know the difference between quitting and failing.

SPEAKER_02 19:51

Yeah, so true. And so often inside of like what I call your survival model, and just to give listeners a sense, like when inside of our coaching, we lay out your survival model, which is made up of your thinking and your beliefs and behavior patterns that literally helped you to survive at one time, but they're often you're in your life today, now as an adult, operating in this old model that is perpetuating these unfulfilling results. And that's what was happening for Tanya. And I mean, it was so clear. I mean, and everyone listening, you can hear who she is and what she's about and what she's up to in her life. Like it was so clear that you were kind of operating from a thinking standpoint inside of a really outdated model that was limiting you from like really, I mean, just going to that next level, right? Of of life and business and all of it. It was so beautiful to watch you break out of that and really see like nobody was seeing you as a failure except yourself. And that's what happens for all of us. It's like what we tell ourselves becomes the truth.

SPEAKER_00 21:04

And so many times you're trying to prove someone or something wrong that's not even around anymore, that's not around you anymore, that doesn't matter to you, that isn't in your circle, that's somewhere in your head you were gonna make someone love you or make someone respect you or make some whatever, you know. Call it whatever it is, you know. There was the I was haunting myself of previous people that aren't even in my life anymore. Like, why do I give a crap what they think? I don't. And it's truly working from that, you know, survival model that you develop as as a child, as a younger person, you know, that that you hang on to, but you're that's not who you are, you know. You can choose to let your story help propel you to the next level, or it can shackle you, and you have to make that decision of which one you're going to do.

SPEAKER_02 21:58

Yeah. So tell us where did your thinking have to change when it came to you allowing yourself to move, you know, into a more of a leadership role in your company and like not have to be there all the time and involved in every little thing. What was that sh yeah, walk us through that?

SPEAKER_00 22:23

I think when you hire the the proper people, the right people that are supposed to be there, there is a different level of expectation from them and for you to them. Um I know at the beginning of 2022, I did not have the right people on the bus for sure. Um, there were some that elected to leave themselves. There were some that we let go. Um really having the team that we have right now, which is incredible. Uh, I I don't feel that you feel like I gotta be there all the time. I gotta be there all the time, or else something's not getting done. Something's not getting done. And I think as women, we do that even within our own homes, with our spouses or with our children, you know, I gotta be with them all the time and this need to helicopter on things. Yes. It's truly seeing what will happen when you train people, believe in them, give them rope, let them fly, you know. Um that was a big thing of like, I have to give this to you and I have to back away. Um, that was a big thing of learning. You can't micromanage and you can't hovercraft people if you want them to grow and to fly in any aspect of your life. So that was a big thing for me. I did a lot of leadership training work this past year, uh, not only with you, with the Tony Robbins organization. I went through tons of that training. Um, I work with a business coach with that um on a weekly basis too. And just really taking one little thing at a time that I was struggling with and working on a solution for that. It's one thing at a time, build on top of brick by brick by brick, and then you look and you're like, we've built something beautiful this year. And it was those little tiny things one at a time. Because if you try to, you know, stand that whole entire brick wall up by itself, good luck. You know, you can't withstand that. It's gonna crumble, it's gonna fall over, and you're not going to get anywhere. And I think really looking at the the little tiny things, make a list, take one a week, work on this, work on this, work on this. At the end of the year, you look back and you're like, oh my gosh. And you even look back, I was talking to my husband about this this weekend. I'm like, you look back even five years ago, what I enjoy and stress about today were the things I could only have wished and prayed for back then. Wow. So we very much uh overestimate what we can get done in a day and underestimate what we can do in five years. So, really taking that, you know, because everybody has one big lofty goal that they're gonna hit, you know, uh, you may hit that in five years, but it's all the little tiny pieces that you put together to get to that beautiful thing you get to enjoy later on. So really just going back to the basics. You got to go back to the basics.

SPEAKER_02 25:34

Well, I I love what you just said because I was just writing about that. That, you know, in in the new when you know, we're in a new year and people think of the big lofty things that you're gonna set out and do. And that's not really where these deep, meaningful changes actually occur. They occur in the little tiny moments like you're talking about, where you, you know, you choose to turn left when you always would have turned right, you know, whether it's like in marriage or at work, you change your behavior just ever so slightly, and you do that over time. And it does, it's these micro movements that ripple to that larger change that you desire. And I remember hearing somebody talk about like having like a five-year, ten-year, 20-year 30-year kind of mission that you're on, and like really stretching that out, like you were saying, just five years. Like, what can you do in five years? And it just gives you a lot of space to make a lot of things happen without that feeling of like urgency, and it has to be this big monumental thing.

SPEAKER_00 26:43

Yeah, it's quite incredible to really sit down and it's fun to dream those things up, you know. Do that with your spouse, do that with even with your kids. Like, I love to ask my kids, you know, like, what do you want to be doing five years from now? You know, even my son is nine, you know, he's like, I want to be working, you know, he he's already got a game plan that he's gonna take over my business. So I want to go to work and I want to drive the tractors and you know, things like that. It's just so cool for them to get their minds thinking about this, even when they're, you know, five, six years old. And just it's so fun to be able to hear what they say and make plans with your spouse so that it's something that you're both working hard towards um achieving. At the beginning of every year at my business, we just had it this last Wednesday. We have a goal setting meeting, and I have we have a big goal board in our hallway, and everybody has to bring at least four personal goals they're working on and four professional goals for work that they're working on, and they have to be measurable. You can't just say, I want to be better at my job. It's like, I want to sell this many installs or I want to do this much money every month. Um, something that you can directly be responsible for. And it is so cool to see what everybody writes down on there, and then once a month we just kind of go through it, um, allow people to pull those goals off of the board if it's something that they've achieved throughout the year, and then we celebrate them because so many people don't have people in their corner or they don't believe in them. And even at work, I think one of the greatest things I could do as far as leadership is concerned is be that person for them, even if that's the only person that they have that's believing in the things that they want to do. I have a driver that works for me, his name's Keith. He's incredible, incredible young man. When he came to me, and I remember him saying, like, he just appreciated that I didn't yell at him. And I thought that was the strangest thing ever. I was like, why would anyone yell at you? You're so cute, you're so sweet. He was like 21 when he came to work here. I thought he was like 30. He wasn't, because he just carried himself so well. Um, his big goal last year was to pay off his debt, and in November he purchased his first house, and it was such a cool moment when he's like standing in front of the board and he's like, you know, my goal this year was to pay off all my debt, and here I am going and buying a house. And I like just the pride that you feel being able to be the person that helped show him, inspired him, believed in him that he could do that is the most rewarding thing in the world. And those are the things that I love about business. I love to do those things with my kids. Like, what is your goal? Let's write it down and be able to celebrate them going through that stuff. And hopefully, just by doing that with even just the small 10 people that we have or that our families have. If you don't have a business, you can do it with your family. You're changing the way that they look at goal setting and being able to achieve things. And hopefully they'll continue to do that with their kids or a team that they lead someday because it was so impactful for them. So leadership can come in many different forms, and a lot of times the best thing in the world is just having somebody believe in you and give you little tips and tricks and things like that. And that's something that has been invaluable to me working with you is you've been able to provide those things for me. In really, we've worked a lot towards me looking at marriage in a better eye because I I didn't, and uh, and it's been so helpful to be able to do that and have somebody that will believe in you and can help you do those things. So I know that was a whole long conversation about leadership stuff, but I think it it's helpful for a lot of people to think it can be something that simple that you can make a massive impact with people.

SPEAKER_02 31:16

Oh, it's so good. I just love your heart. I just love your heart. Um, because I mean, that story, you can just see like what that does for your team, like just going to work and knowing a little more about what's on people's hearts and minds and what they're dreaming of and what their goals are outside of just the day-to-day grind of whatever you're doing. I can only imagine that that impacts everything that they're doing throughout the day, the way they interact with each other and see each other. And I mean, it's it's really big.

SPEAKER_00 31:53

Yeah, it really is.

SPEAKER_02 31:58

Okay. So let's talk for a minute about marriage, because I I know I've had to travel this in my own um life of just, I love to work. I love to work. I've always loved to work. And I love it so much, I sometimes think I could not sleep and just work all the time. And I had to, at a point in my marriage, I realized I actually had a was working with a coach at the time and he helped me to see that while I was saying I wanted to create this great marriage, my husband was literally getting the breadcrumbs of my time, you know, if that. And I really had to make some very big adjustments over the last 10 years. Um, and those changes have reaped so many rewards. And I still love my work. I still get to work, I still get to be productive and do what I love. And I actually think that because our marriage is thriving, it just fuels everything that much more. Um and so I know this is like a work in progress, right? That will continue into this year, but what would you say to people who struggle with this? Like what's what's helped you or opened your eye or helped you see something different?

SPEAKER_00 33:27

Oh, it has been a lot of trial and error this year and a lot of real conversations with you. And I I know that, and if you are a woman that loves to work or is a leader of a company or owns a business or things like that, um, a lot of times you will carry quite in what your husband's eyes might be, um, a masculine energy that may be quite emasculating to them. Um I know for sure that my husband has mentioned that to me more than several dozen times. Of, you know, I don't like the way that you speak to me. I don't like the way that you talk to me. Um, I for the longest time thought that of like, well, then you just don't like me because this is who I am. Um, I have a very hard time when I'm working all the time, really switching to becoming that softer person. Um I am not an overly, I've never been an overly affectionate person with whoever I've been dating or married to, to my spouse. I am huggy, lovey, kissy like crazy to my kids. I've always had a hard time with that with my significant other. Um, I'm still exploring all of that and trying to figure that out, but it is something truly that I have to be very purposeful to make sure that I am doing that for my husband every day and not just once a day throughout the day. Um, because it's not something that comes real easy to me. And I don't think I'm alone uh saying that. And I think other women need to hear that that's okay if that's hard for you. I think society paints women as supposed to be this nurturer and this, you know, the the one that loves the love. Um I have always struggled with that. Um so I want you to know that you're not alone if you struggle with that, but what can we do to be more if we choose to be in a relationship with someone or we choose to be married to someone, what can we do to make sure that we are providing them with that need? Because oftentimes I have found that um there may be a person that doesn't need that as much, and there's a person that does need that more. Um so you have you have to be purposeful. Uh that's something that I have to remind myself of a lot, and my husband has to remind me of it a lot. I do really good for like two weeks, and then I'm like, oh, we're good now. So then I go back to my old ways, and I in his eyes, I'm forgetting about him again. It's something as simple. I know he said this to me so many times. Like, just like give me a kiss in the morning and say good morning before you decide to pop out of bed and go run on to your, you know, to-do list, which I do. And I I know that that is such a simple thing. And I literally have to remind myself of that in the mornings if I want to be mindful of making sure I'm meeting his needs, of saying, like, I'll get out of bed and be like, oh, I didn't do that. Let's try this again, you know, and make him know that I'm thinking of him first. I want to make him feel seen first thing in the morning. He's not lower on my to-do list than my big old to-do list that I have to do today. So I think intentionality with people that struggle with that may seem mundane and boring. Like sometimes I set messages in my in my phone like at two o'clock, that's like I try to stagger them throughout the week so it doesn't sound like you're doing that. But like, hey, send them a text message, like, thank you so much for something that you did yet, you know, something that they did yesterday, or you make me feel this way, or something like that, and make them realize that it's not the mundane, you know, sometimes we just get so lost in our marriage with everything else that's going on, that intentionality has to show up. And every time I quit doing it is when we keep we have problems again. So um that's something that I'm really focused on for this next year. Um is working on the intentionality with my husband and making sure that I don't lose my marriage in this business.

SPEAKER_02 38:17

It's so fascinating. Like with marriage, you know, I think we I I know I went into it with just a completely different idea of what it actually is. And like learning to love each other well in your marriage is it takes a really strong commitment and it takes a long, you know, I feel like we've been working on that in our marriage for a lot of years, and we get better and better at it, but we miss all the time every day. We fail every day, we fail each other every day. We we laugh about that now. We're like, we just do because we're human, but it's not because there's a lack of intentionality or effort to really learn to love each other well, and when you when you commit to learning to love each other well, it it does just get better and better. And Tanya, you I just want to acknowledge you because you've been so willing to look at yourself in the marriage, and I think it's such a pitfall that we fall into of like, oh, if our husband would just change, or if he would be better, or if he would do this, then my life would be better. And I have never seen that in you. I'm sure you maybe you felt it or thought it, but you are always willing to look inside of yourself. And for anybody listening who feels, you know, resigned or frustrated because you're like, oh, you feel powerless. There's so much power you have within yourself to change your marriage or relationship without them going through coaching or doing anything. And Tanya, you just I mean you just described that. Like you start to change yourself and show up differently, and all of a sudden he would surprise you, right?

SPEAKER_00 40:03

Yes. And I remember the first time you said that to me, it was a little lengthier discussion and it was like a smack in the face. I'm sure you probably remember what you said to me, but I was like, What in my head when you said that? Can I tell him what you said? Yes, okay, so we were having this conversation and I was so upset with him, and I don't even remember what I was upset with him about or something. And you just point blank to said to me, You are cutting his balls off. You've chopped his balls off. And I was like, How dare you say that to me? Like my girlfriends would never say that to me. Like, can you and at that moment I knew like this is someone that is going to help me get somewhere because that takes a lot of guts on your behalf to be able to say that to somebody. And it truly was. And I remember walking in the house, I was sitting in my car talking to you on the phone. And I know that we had just I had just been in an argument with him before we had that conversation. So I was super heated and pissed off. So whatever I said really came off. I was being nasty to him, you know, and I remember you saying that to me. And I walked right back in the house because I could see it because somebody called me on my shit. Like I need that. That is one of the most beneficial things in the world of knowing that you have a good coach is somebody that will call you on your shit and won't just like, oh yeah, you're right. You're that doesn't help you. That doesn't help you with anything. I'm trying to grow here and I can't do that doing what I'm doing. I walked in the house, sat on the bed with him, and I literally said to him, I just had a conversation with my coach, and she made it perfectly clear to me what I have been doing to you. And I told him about the conversation that we had had, and he was like, What? It's truly being able to be humble enough that if you care about your marriage, that you are willing to go right back in after you've just had that argument and say, I sucked or I was wrong, or I did this, and be able to want to fix it. So many people will defend, tell the death of their marriage that they're right and you're wrong. And if you would do this first, then I will do this. Somebody's got to crack. It's the chicken or the egg situation I think about all the time. Like, which one? You know, like it's somebody has to do it. And instead of waiting for them to do it, you always, if you care, have the opportunity to take the first step to make it better. And then, you know what, you're gonna suck again, and then you're gonna have to do it again, and then you're gonna have to do it again. I struggle with marriage. It is something I, in my heart of hearts, I have never paid super a lot of attention to in its shows, and it's that's why I continue to keep struggling with it. But I'm learning tools from you. I'm learning tools to be able to be better at this. And I think it's something that nobody walks into this and they're just great at it and it's great all the time. It's not, it's not an Instagram reel. It's nothing, it's it can get ugly sometimes, but when two people love each other and they don't want to give up, both of them are willing to, you know, go to each other and admit when they have been wrong and try to reconcile those things. And if you truly love each other, there's nothing that can stop that. I think there's great respect that you gain from your partner being able to do those things.

SPEAKER_02 43:52

Yeah. I um I had heard that from uh some. speaker at some point that as women, that's what we do to men. You know, we want them to be these strong figures in our lives and these leaders and loving and all these things, but without realizing it, we're constantly taking away their power and disempowering them and telling them we don't like the way they, we know, do this. Oh, but wait a minute, you did it wrong. We don't like the way you did it and we redo it. And we're in essence doing that all the time, but then pissed off that they're not showing up the way we want them to. And so I've had to deal with that in my own life too, girl. And I just um the power of conversations that are just real like that, you know, because I could just see like as you're describing that, that you moved closer together in that moment. And that's what's available, right? And we have to do it. It's not a once and done. We have to do it over and over and over.

SPEAKER_00 44:57

And over and over and over. I think something too that I just like this is something I'm putting into practice this year that I think could be very helpful if you are really trying to work on your marriage or if your marriage means a lot to you want to make it better even if it's great, whatever. Truly being intentional about them for give it 15 minutes a day. If you can't find 15 minutes a day, then like delete Facebook something, you know, like find 15 minutes a day to write down what you're thankful for about them. Things the way that they make you feel the way that you feel about your marriage like just focus on marriage and write those things down. I truly believe that if you are focused on the positive aspects of whether that's your business, your marriage, your kids, whatever the big problem is, and you focus on the positive things of that instead of writing pissed off in a journal about all the things that you hate and loathe about someone or some event, it's really difficult one to stay upset with them, two to repeat, you know, those things are going to come out in you all day long. When I start a morning of gratitude about my marriage or gratitude about my husband or my kids or things, when they leave something laying around, I'm not as apt to be like pick your shit up and go some, you know, like you get at the end of the day. It's more of a gentle reminder or even helping them out with some stuff. When you come from that place of love, it's very difficult to switch over to that upset and hastiness and letting words fly out of your mouth that you didn't think about first. So that's my big thing that I'm really working on to make my marriage stronger this year is is starting that place of gratitude in the morning. If I say I'm thankful for my husband for all that he does I'm gonna think twice about complaining to him or bitching at him because he didn't do this today. You know, this morning you were thankful and now you're not like which one which one is it? And it's always in a place if you love that person it always goes back to the place of love. So I think that's a beautiful thing to and it's really cool to be able to look back on those things. I think it could truly be like uh you know some great lessons for people to learn from your writings at some point, you know, your kids and things like that. Like my my mom and dad really loved each other or these are things that they struggled with and they weren't perfect with things but these are things that that they worked through. Sometimes it's just bet good for you even if you don't keep it somewhere type it all out write it all down and delete it.

SPEAKER_02 47:50

Makes you feel better in the morning anyways it's so true what you focused on and I mean great we hear gratitude all the time but it there's something so powerful about where we really it's a choice of where you're gonna focus and that choice is going to give you a certain set of results. You reminded me of when Shane our youngest was young I like in grade school he would forget things everywhere he would like lose his things and he would just forget everything at his friend's house and it was just like a thing right and I remember like he left something again at like his friend's house and I had to call his mom or go pick it up or something and I was feeling like a little bit embarrassed. And she said you know Carlos she goes he might forget his things but he never forgets his friends and like that was just like you know the perfect example of like here I was focused on you know that he forgets his things so what? Right like he doesn't today right he grew out of that there's he really did grow out of that and like what a beautiful reminder she gave me was like hello where are you focused?

SPEAKER_00 49:04

Yes okay tell us goes energy flows so you know if you want to be negative Nancy all day long then that's what's gonna come out of you you know if you focus on those things. I'm choosing not to do that. And it truly is just a choice.

SPEAKER_02 49:20

It is a choice.

SPEAKER_00 49:22

So tell us some of the fun things that you are most excited about or proud of that you've been able to add into your life or have more time and space into your life as a result of a lot of hard work well like you working is my hobby it's my number one hobby but you know what there's there's a lot of really fun things that are coming out of my my hobby of wanting to work all of the time um building this ladies kick and ass community I'm so excited for all of the stuff that I have on the calendar for this year. I'm going to an incredible mastermind in February to work even deeper on that. Super super excited for that um I truly truly believe like power of proximity I'm really getting around I mean that's how I met you um just being around people and getting to know other women in your community. I think so many of us lived online for you know a couple of years and like I'm just dying to be like let's just all get together into a lunch or coffee or drinks or something like just get a bunch of cool women together and we don't have to talk about business at all. I just want to get to know these women and it truly is a beautiful thing that when you become friends with women that are achieving things and wanting to achieve things like you are, you walk into a room of opportunity because these women that love you will mention your name in a room full of opportunity all the time.

SPEAKER_02 51:12

So I just truly want to continue to keep building that circle of influence around myself um also with my husband getting yourself a little more outside of your business is allowing you to focus on that right which is kind of a bigger heart project you have huge heart project.

SPEAKER_00 51:34

I'm also working with my daughter she is has started a business um she is doing skincare for teens um she works with a coach out of Las Vegas um that is mentoring her super cool started we found her at a Pinterest conference and my daughter went up to her and you know just I want to start a skincare brand and she just took her under her wing and has helped her so much it's so cool. She has lots of great opportunities coming this year. So it gives me another place to channel my creative energy all while helping my daughter build something that can be very impactful for her and her future so I'm so excited.

SPEAKER_02 52:27

That's amazing it's so awesome.

SPEAKER_00 52:30

It's so cool during Christmas she did a couple of pop-up shows and one of them she did um in Awatuki was like a little Christmas market thing. The girl made like three dollars shy of a thousand bucks on a Saturday and I'm like wow Daniel I'm like Jim and it's so amazing too because my big goal with her this year is to get her out and to get her to see like providing service for people and realizing she's grown up with an entrepreneurial mama. Like she looks at that and she's like well that's just what we do you know I'm like that's not normal. You're 13 and you're going after this big dream this is not normal you know I want you to be able to get out and be able to influence those girls that are around you. Show them what you can do. Be proud of what you do you know it's that whole teenager I I'm so scared of what other people think about me things. But that can be a great area of influence too of being around even you know my circle of lady friends and and her being able to see wow you know like if I stick with this and do these things this is the kind of atmosphere that I can you know have have a home for myself and it's so important to include her in those things. Just there's so many exciting things coming up. I I got married to my husband in during COVID in 2020. And so we have not got to go on our honeymoon which we are planning now for the first week in May we are going to go to Spain in Paris. So we are super excited about that um he's gonna take me out of the country and uh sh show me that there's a big world out there. He's very excited to do that it's a little Wyoming girl doesn't like to travel very much.

SPEAKER_02 54:29

So well and you've made some changes to your schedule and I think even in summertime right like you wanted to spend more time with your family and you've you've done that yes it's been so beautiful to have the team that I have at my business that they don't need me here all the time.

SPEAKER_00 54:52

I had a team that was like when are you coming in today? It was almost like I answered to them all of the time of like what how I was splitting my time, what I was doing all these things. I have an incredible team of people that have been trained beautifully that just believe in the mission and the things that we're doing part of the business. My team members are all part of this business. I am like an open book with them about everything and it's a beautiful thing because everyone buys into what we're trying to build here. Everyone wants to be a part of something that is being built that's something bigger than them and they're a part of it. And it's so incredibly cool. Just even like with Christmas time the kids are out I got to spend so much time with them and not be stressed out about everything that was happening here. You know I can take off for a week and the building doesn't burn down and it it actually grows bigger which is an amazing feeling.

SPEAKER_02 55:47

It is so amazing to see like just see you talk about that because it it's all such a reflection of the growth you've made too right because when we started and when you started on you know kind of your large mission here this year um you you needed to also be needed in the business right and as you transformed that now you have a team like you're you're teaching your team how to be in relationship with you now right like there's there's this whole metamorphosis that's happened it's so incredibly beautiful yes congratulations on everything and you had a huge business year too yes you know what and a lot of that would not have happened if I wouldn't have been able to let go and a lot of that goes with doing that personal work of realizing my worth is not tied to who needs me.

SPEAKER_00 56:45

It's not you know I can provide great support and I can do it from a distance and I don't have to be there holding people's hands. You know I think as you grow even as a mom you know these kids are getting older I dropped my daughter off at school yesterday and I was like oh gosh I literally said out loud I need to find some more friends because I've done so much and everything with her all the time and now she's in eighth grade and she has her own group of friends and she's doing you know she's gone busy all the time doing things and I'm like it's just such a transition that you realize you know like oh my gosh my kids don't my kids still need me but in a very different capacity of what it has been in the last little stage of our life. So it's truly just been like a blossoming year of finding out who I am and it's not based upon me being needed by everybody else. That's great. But I don't have to do that and it what a what a weight off your shoulders too. What a weight off your shoulders yes okay so tell people where they can find out about all the amazing stuff you're doing um you can go to uh ladies kick an ass on Instagram or Facebook we have a group on there um on Instagram in my bio there's uh tanyawilson.page that has all the links to my businesses and everything else that you might want to connect with us and check out her podcast ladies kick an ass which is there's a new one that just came out today that is awesome that's talking about setting goals around a word every year we come up with a word at our business and we actually trans we have the same word at our house too so it's something that appears all the time last year it was consistency and we worked our butts off on that this year our word is stronger thanks to my daughter she came up with that and she said what about stronger and I'm like oh that's perfect that's exactly it because we built such a great foundation last year how do we make it stronger and so I I think that's true for our business true for our family life it can transition through everything that we're working on this year. So it's an awesome kind of insight as to how we do that with goal setting oh I love that I'm gonna check that out too so last but not least what does differently mean to you I've been thinking about this one um to me it is willing doing things differently is willing to do them do what most other people aren't willing to do. And I think that's how you show up differently in the world. I think that's how you make the biggest impact. I think that's how you become most influential because what I mean by that is the easy way is not always the best way to do things. And that tends to be the direction that people lean towards I think really standing up for what you feel is right and being strong in your convictions of why you're doing what you do or why you want what you want is a very powerful message to send to your children, send to your teammates, send to your team if you have a business, your friends they truly believe in something and they truly want to make a difference. They want to be different I always say to my kids all the time there's a Dr. Seuss quote that to be number one you have to be odd to be number one. And that is so true in so many facets of everything because people want to they're afraid what other people are going to say or they're gonna be judged so they're gonna be thought of poorly because they don't go with what the mainstream media is with everything and what a shit show that is right now anyway. So really be strong in what you believe in. And even if you're the odd man out you'll be the one making the difference because you're gonna stand out amongst the crowd.

SPEAKER_02 1:01:16

Definitely beautiful what a great conversation so many gems Tanya thank you so so very much for joining me here and sharing your journey your experience I know it's gonna touch other people and I it is just such an absolute honor to work with you. So from my heart like thank you thank you for everything. Hey thanks for tuning in to this episode of differently I hope it stirred your thinking and I invite you to take one inspired action from something that stood out to you. If you want to hear more conversations like this be sure to hit follow on your favorite podcast app. And if this episode could impact someone you know please help us spread the word and pass it along. Remember new episodes drop weekly see you next week