Do You Mean What You Say?

What does it mean to have integrity in your communication? This week on Differently, I'm reflecting on my journey to becoming more aware of my words and what I say. Communication has a direct effect on the people around you and it's important to really listen in to the things you say. 

I hope you enjoy these tips about how to mean what you say! 

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Transcript

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I'm Carla Reeves, and this is Differently, a podcast where we explore the ins and outs of what becomes possible when we're willing to think, do, and show up differently to the moments of our everyday lives. Twenty years ago or so, I sat in a class. It was my first experience of working on my own life. Didn't even know that was a thing before then. Life events had had a way of waking me up and making me realize that while I thought I knew what I was doing, I didn't. That afternoon, the leader started talking about integrity. I thought to myself, oh yeah, I have that. I've got that one down. I'm an honest human being. Come to find out, I didn't know much about what it meant to have integrity. And this was super eye-opening. While this is a very huge topic, today we're going to focus on integrity with the words that come out of your mouth. I drove home that night and was later reflecting on my own life and this idea of integrity. And I saw that I had a pattern of being really easygoing and flexible, which I valued that quality and nature of myself. But what this meant was that I loosely made plans. And if others ever wanted to cancel or be ongoingly late, that was okay. And it also meant that I could do the same. I would casually throw out words like, I'll call you later, or let's to get let's get together soon, or yeah, we should meet up without any intention or commitment to follow through on what I had said. A lot of the words were niceties or what I thought someone wanted to hear in the moment, or just what felt right in the moment, but it just held little substance. I thought this was a good thing and had never actually stopped to consider the impact. I began to see that there was a carelessness or a sloppiness in my communication. And I realized that sloppy communication often led to sloppy results. And that when I opted out of things last minute, just because I wasn't really feeling up to it or in the right mood, that this had an impact not only on me, but on these important people in my life. I hadn't ever been introduced or really thought about what it meant to actually take 100% responsibility for the words that come out of my mouth. This took time, but I began to bring more intention to the things I said. I first just paid greater attention to what was coming out of my mouth, the things that I was saying. And I looked to see that if the things I was saying actually reflected what I meant or what I wanted to reflect, or the kind of person that I wanted to be. And if there was an intention to follow up or take action or actually um fulfill the promises I was making, I stopped saying things just to say them because it felt right in the moment. As I cleaned up my communication, it restored integrity that I didn't even know was missing. And this started to have a ripple impact on how I felt about myself, how I showed up in the world, how confident I felt. I could stand taller in being someone that people could count on. It didn't mean that I couldn't ever cancel plans or uh that others couldn't do the same. But if I did, I did it differently by showing up and actually communicating clearly and in a way that fully respected myself and the other person. It didn't mean that this happened 100% of the time, but if I missed in my communication and noticed it later, it wasn't too late to go back and clarify or check in with someone to be sure that they heard what I intended. What I didn't realize, and what you may not realize, is that while these little places in our life, these little small communications that are lacking integrity, they may seem small and even insignificant when you look at them just in a moment. But over time, they chip away at our energy and they chip away at the connection we have and the relationship we have and the trust that we are building with others. Cleaning up sloppy communication can change your life and ripple to everyone around you. It does sound simple, it can be challenging, but it's very, very powerful. This might be hard to hear. It was for me that day I sat in that classroom. But the reason I share this is to open a door of opportunity in your life, like someone did for me. Where things might feel stuck or heavy or just not moving in the direction you want. These little incomplete things that happen in our everyday life and in our communication zap our energy, create noise in our head, and create uh confusion in our communication. In the book, The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz, the first agreement is to be impeccable with your word. He says that our word is a force. It's the power you have to express and communicate, to think, and thereby to create in your life. He talks about how making this agreement is difficult because we've learned to lie as a habit of our communication with others and more importantly with ourselves. Here are some questions and ideas to help you explore this in your own life. What is your relationship to the words that come out of your mouth? What area of your life would benefit the most from restored integrity? To get started. First, begin to just like I did, to just pay attention to the words that you speak. This is going to be super insightful. Not only the words that you speak, but the promises that you make, the suggestions you put out there. Do they reflect the person you are and want to be? Your journal is a great place to explore these questions. And I'll leave you with one last question. What would it look like and mean in your life to clean up your relationship to the words that come out of your mouth? And what impact would that have on you and others around you? Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Differently. I hope it stirred your thinking, and I invite you to take one inspired action from something that stood out to you. If you love listening to this podcast, may I please ask you to leave a review in Apple Podcasts? I greet everyone helping the podcast and one day thank you.