Differently
Simple, yet powerful ideas for building a life, differently. Hosted by Carla Reeves, creator of The Differently Coaching Experience, this podcast offers thought-provoking conversations and practical insights for anyone looking to get out of survival mode and build a life that is truly your own. From the highs and lows of love and relationships, to the challenges and opportunities of work and career, Differently will challenge you to to rethink what’s possible.
Differently
Calm Your Anxiety with Camille Smith
Today’ topic, contrary to what your mind wants you to believe, is your access point for relief, calm, and intentional forward momentum.
- The importance of getting quiet to hear the wisdom beyond the noise of the mind and find solace.
- Explore the power of silence, and the strength we can find inside.
- The courage it takes to follow your inner knowing.
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Thank you for listening!
Camille, welcome back to Differently. Thanks, I'm excited to be here. Thanks for having me. I'm excited to have you back too. If you didn't hear Camille the first time, you can go back and listen to her. She came on and talked about how to slow down. That was on February 23rd of 2023. Make sure you take a listen to that. Today, we're going to talk about this idea of sacred space. Bring us into the fold of what that means in your life and get us in the right mindset for this conversation.
Speaker 2:Yeah, sure, sacred space. What that means basically is a time and a space that I feel like we all need to be able to come to ourselves. There's so much noise in the world. We live in a very busy time in our evolution. There's a lot of information. We live in the information age and it's out there everywhere, yet we still struggle so much with different kinds of mental illness and anxiety and depression. I think a lot of us that we've lost that time to ourselves. I guess that's what it is to be able to figure out what's what. Without that, you get off on another route and you don't know who you are anymore. It's easy to get lost. It's really been crucial for me to come back to myself.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so why is that so uncomfortable for people? Oh man, I can't speak for everybody.
Speaker 2:But as far as being uncomfortable, sometimes we don't want to hear our own thoughts. I have this running joke with my husband because I used to teach meditation years ago and I still incorporate that into what I do. He would say I can't think of anything worse than being quiet and listening to the sound of my own thoughts. I think that's a big part of it is that we're afraid to listen to what our own thoughts are or to tune in to our own inner dialogue to see what's there. Awareness is the first step in any change. You can't change anything until you're first aware of it. That's what sacred space holds for you is the ability to see what's there. You have to unpack everything and look at it and be like this is here and this is what's causing the problem. If you'd rather not look at it, then it'll just keep going on and on and louder and louder. Then finally you'll be like okay, okay, really look at it.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think I used to lead writing retreats. I mean I still do in some way, but I had a former business called Sanity Journals and I would take people into a writing experience. So often people would say they're afraid. They're afraid of what they're going to find when they sit down and get quiet and start writing. I would always tell them it feels scary in our mind. When you actually start doing it and you get past some of that initial noise, there's nothing to be afraid of and it's like treasure on the other side.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I agree. I think that once you decide you're going to do it and you just, sometimes the resistance around us it feels like a brick wall. But yet when we turn ourselves towards it, we turn. Anytime there's darkness in a corner of a room, for instance, if you have a flashlight and you shine it in the corner of that room, there's no more darkness. And it's the same with our psyches, as soon as we really look at it with a feeling of grace and a feeling of gentleness. I always say to my yoga students see yourself as a gentle, curious observer. I love those words, gentle and curious, because sometimes we're observing and we're not gentle with ourselves. We're mad. Why do I keep doing this? Why do I keep saying this? Then observer puts you in a space where you are just watching, which means there's not so much of the need to make a judgment. If you're just watching, you're just like I'm just here to see what's up. Those two adjectives can really help the process of turning within turning inside of yourself and looking at what's there.
Speaker 1:So true, I love that question of just looking to see what's up, because whatever is noisy in that space is likely shading your entire experience of life. If you're willing to look and discern what that is and ask questions like that, that's your starting point, like you're saying.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure I am. In the trauma work that I do too. I have learned that the more people are able to express what they see and feel, it's like instantaneously. It's so amazing. Every time it happens, it just it goes away, it's all it's done. It dissolves and it's because you looked at it, it's because you gave it a voice and that's what was needed. So when you don't give those thoughts and feelings of voice, they're just like ping-ponging around and around and they don't have a way out and they get noisy, noisy, noisy and that's uncomfortable.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you use the analogy of the flashlight and a lot of times with my clients I'll say it's. You know, it's kind of like a house and like a lot, when, after a lot of life has happened, sometimes we shut the doors or we shut the blinds and it feels dark. And it's the work I do with clients too, like you do, is kind of going in and like opening the blinds and opening that door and letting air in, and when people just express what has been so in that darkness, for them it's almost like there's just light. All of a sudden it's no longer and it's not as scary as it once felt, so powerful. So this is what having sacred space can do for us, right? So say a little bit more about what this is meant in your life and how this has supported you in your life.
Speaker 2:Sure, a couple of things I want to add here too, and then I'll answer your question is when I teach this concept and people are trying to wrap their head around, what exactly does that mean? I'll kind of list off a couple of bullet points so they understand what it is. And some of those reasons why you might feel like you need that sacred space is to be able to have somewhere to go to figure out how you feel about something. For instance, if you are the kind of person that easily takes on other people's opinions, you might need your own space to be like how do I feel about this particular subject? So that's one way that you can benefit from the sacred space. Also, you know you need a place to like meet your higher self, to meet God, to meet you know the Holy Spirit, whatever you call it, to hear what that wisdom is and get quiet because of the noise out there.
Speaker 2:Sometimes you need answers or you know solutions to problems that you're having and all of these kinds of reasons and there's more to help you develop, your help. You realize I need that space or people that create. You know you and I are creators everybody's creative so you need a place sometimes to get the inspiration, to get the, to get into that flow of creativity. So those are all reasons why I've come to sacred space and why I continue to go back, because it, whenever I do it, I'm never disappointed. Never have I ever said I wish I had used that extra 10 minutes, 15, 30 minutes to stay in bed or to watch TV or I don't know whatever. I've never said that. I've always been like oh my gosh.
Speaker 1:Why don't I do this more? Yeah, it's so true Same, never, never regret it. It's kind of like going to the gym and getting to work out and it's not like you ever regret that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, exactly, it's worth it.
Speaker 1:Okay. So I know in my life, like this has become a non-negotiable because of what you're saying. Like it it fuels every other part of my life and it's the one thing I think. For so many years back in my 20s I was just so focused on the external world and trying to do and achieve and get better and be better and please everybody and get everything lined up in just such a way so that I could be happy inside. And it was such a, you know, my life had to kind of fall apart for me to go.
Speaker 1:Wait a minute. There's got to be a different way and I've found that different way is going inside first and finding, like cultivating that inner life that ends up kind of changing everything on the outside. And you know you talk about like going there to get quiet and you know, meet God or whatever it is for you, that that is like I don't feel alone, I don't have to bear this all myself. I can get quiet and listen instead of trying to figure everything out. I can listen for the next step or listen for the answers and it's, I mean it, just it. The benefits are go on and on and on and on and on.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I agree. I think it has to do with surrender too. You're describing that process of being busy and doing all the things and you know, externally, looking around and you know I've done that too and I still sometimes do that You're looking for the answers outside, but all the time you know the answers are inside. And so when you take time to look inside and you kind of surrender and realize that you have your own unique path to follow and so, no matter how hard you try to do all of the things on the list of the person who you just spoke to, the things they did, it might not line up for you because you're different.
Speaker 2:But when you go inside and you listen and you cultivate that space, then you start to really get in the groove of who you are and what you're here to do. And that is just delicious when you get there, because you feel like, okay, I'm where I'm supposed to be and a lot of it is comparing and we naturally compare ourselves. We look at other people around us who we perceive to be more successful. Or, you know, they're raising their kids better, or their business is doing better, or they're making more money, or they're driving this car, whatever it is, we naturally compare. It's just the way that we are as humans. But the more we turn inward and we realize where we're our own selves, it's easier to not compare and it feels like freedom when you do that so true.
Speaker 1:I mean, I've lived so many years wanting to please everybody else or do the right thing or follow somebody else's method or path, and I often tell my clients that too, camille, you know that nobody else can see your compass, nobody else can see that design, and so I mean, for years of my life I've like gone to experts or gone to these things, hoping that somebody's gonna point me out and be like yes, you go do that thing that I already knew on my heart I'm supposed to do. But I want someone else to tell me to go do it Right. It's more of a courage issue.
Speaker 2:Yeah, like you need permission or validation from somewhere outside, and that's pretty, pretty natural. But when you go within, you don't feel alone. You know you get the answers that you need and that are just tailor made for you. That's another thing I love about coaching. One-on-one coaching is that you're taking your client next to you and you're looking. You're helping them look at their own situation and helping them tune in. It's like you're a guide, right? You're not giving them all the answers, You're coming alongside them and helping them to have the confidence and the courage to look inside to find those discoveries. And it's really exciting that, as a coach and a teacher, it's one of my favorite things is to watch the light bulbs go on and watch my clients be like, realize who they really are. Oh my gosh, it's the best.
Speaker 1:Yes, yes, yes, yes, and it's not. You know, sometimes people feel like, or my clients will feel like, they've lost part of themselves or they've lost their spark, or they've lost this purpose or design. But it's usually just covered up by a lot of life and when you can clear some of that away, it's all still there. It's all still there, you haven't lost it. Yes.
Speaker 2:And that's what you help them do is kind of chip away, right, yeah, chip away and it's like it's not.
Speaker 1:Yeah, it's not that you need to become somebody different or better. It's really about just becoming more of who you already are right.
Speaker 2:Yes, I always say you, you need to be the euiest you you can be. I love that and a lot of alliteration, but it's really true. No one else is here to do what you're doing in the way that you're doing it. And so when you are able to be that version of yourself, of course you feel amazing, but you shine really bright and it automatically gives permission for other people seeing that and you're like, oh, I want that, and then it's like a domino effect. So you're serving the whole world the more you can be yourself.
Speaker 1:That's so true. So how, for somebody who's never done this, what is what is sacred space look like for you in your life? Is it always the same? Do you change it? Does it change with different seasons in your life?
Speaker 2:Yes to all of that. So it does look the same, but different, and so when I'm talking about sacred space, I'm talking about a time and a space. So first of all, you have to carve out time, because that's the way we do things. We have a calendar and we have a clock and that's how we run life, and so you have to find time to do it, and, depending on what else is happening in your life, that might need to change.
Speaker 2:When I had young children, or even children that were school age, then I was busy in the mornings, and I'm a morning person, so it's easy for me to get up early, but I don't want to get that early, and so I had to find different times of the day to do it, and I wasn't very consistent. So as soon as I found a time that worked for me and right now it's early morning and I absolutely love the time in my house when no one else is awake it's my favorite time, and some people like it at night, whenever one goes to bed. I've heard some of my friends say they just love that time. So it just depends on your season in life and it changes.
Speaker 2:And then what I do in the space has changed too. First it used to just be okay, I'll say my prayers and maybe I'll write my journal, and now it's become a lot more, because the more I've given to that time, the more it gives me. And now when I, on occasion, I don't have time to do it, or just for a few minutes, I miss it because it doesn't give back to me those things that I'm looking for answers and solutions and just getting centered with myself. And so, yeah, it does change and it evolves naturally. Whatever I'm interested in, whatever I'm reading and studying, it just goes along and I feel like God helps me to learn things and to expand my mind so I can grasp things more easily during that sacred space, because I always invite him in too, and so it makes it really always changing, always evolving and always exciting.
Speaker 1:Truthfully, it's so true. I think back to when I very first started this in my life, when I was a new mom, and that time I would get up early, I would get up before the babies were awake and that time was so precious and it started with maybe even just like 10 or 15 minutes. It wasn't a lot of time but, like you said, it grew over time. But that 10 or 15 minutes to just have my own thoughts and be quiet and pray or write or read something or whatever, it was just allowed me to entirely change the way I showed up as a mom. For that day I really did. It was a life story.
Speaker 2:I'm sure your kids noticed it. Even if they didn't say it, I'm sure they noticed it.
Speaker 1:Well, I did notice that at that time, because what led me to doing that was actually the opposite. I was feeling like I was losing my sanity as a mom. I'd waited so many years to be a mom. I dreamed of that and I started feeling like my sanity was slipping.
Speaker 1:And I looked around and there were so many moms that were feeling the same way and it was rippling to the way they parented and I knew I didn't want that but honestly, I didn't know how to do different. And but I felt I felt God calling me to write at that time, and so I started carving out space to just write, and as I did that over a period of time, I noticed that when I was calmer, my children were calmer, and so there was, like there was a direct reflection of, you know, when I was edgy or tired or stretched or impatient and not taking that time, then my kids were, you know, were reflecting that too, and so it was kind of one thing I could do that really started to shift their world to, and it was so rewarding.
Speaker 2:Yeah, yeah, you said you lead by example, including your energy. Right, the way the house goes is the way your energy goes. That's why I loved starting with sacred space in the morning, because you're setting a tone for the whole day. You're setting an intention and an energy that will carry Forward with how you're starting.
Speaker 2:I've been reading this book by Jay Shetty, think like a monk, which I love, and he talks about how you know you first start your day. You recommends you don't have your phone. You know next year better, even in your room, because when you do and you open it up and, for instance, you get on social Meaning, it's like you have a hole. It's like having a whole crowd of people come into your bedroom when you first wake up. And I love that analogy. It's stuck with me because I'm like I don't want a bunch of strangers in my bedroom and that's how a lot of people start their day. They just like, they just open their eyes and they're like immersed, and so when you can take time for your own thoughts, your own self and not the crowd of strangers, it's, it's very different.
Speaker 1:It's very different. Yeah, I mean, that's one one takeaway. Um, you know, for list, for the listeners, that you can start right now, even if I know I have so many clients who start the day looking at their email, and so it's like, automatically you're just already in work mode and you haven't even taken a breath, um, to get your feet on the ground. And so just that one thing Can be a game changer, a total game changer. I love that so much. I, I think too setting. I used to.
Speaker 1:When I first started, I would have I made a basket of like pens and a you know books or prayers or Notepads. That was kind of like my morning ritual basket, you know. So it was everything was there that I needed, so it's easy to grab Anything like that. To make it more likely that you do that, I used to set my timer On my phone or my alarm but have it outside my bedroom so that I couldn't hit snooze. I'd have to actually get out of bed to turn it off, and then I was more likely to stay up.
Speaker 2:Yeah, oh, I love that. Um, that just reminds me too, um, that I've talked to people about this and they're like well, if you don't have your phone by your bed or Even in your bedroom, then you know, how do you Watch your alarm? And I'm like you know, before there were phones, there were these things called alarm clocks. They still make them. So I did go on and buy a very simple alarm clock and put it next to my bed and that's that's what I use, and so you know, it's almost like we forgot how to do life before phones came along.
Speaker 1:That's so true.
Speaker 2:There was life before and Once you start giving it up a little bit, a lot of things will shift in and kind of assist you in this direction of creating the sacred space. And, just like you said, you had a basket of pens and books and journals and things. I have a space down in my, my front room, next to my online yoga studio, that when I have books, journals and, like my favorite cozy blanket, and my dogs always know when I get up they go and they sit right by there because they know that's where I'm gonna go and it it makes its own energy, that space, and it kind of calls to me.
Speaker 1:That's so true, I like it, I love that. So do you. Is yoga part of your? Um sacred space ever?
Speaker 2:Yes, sometimes it is. I don't usually do it at that same time. My sacred space is more reserved for things that I can literally do while I'm sitting there, you know, praying, writing, reading, meditating, pondering. But I do yoga regularly and when I do yoga, a lot of those same feelings and inspiration when I do yoga my own practice, not taking another person's class that's when I get massive amounts of information. So I always have a notepad and a pen by my mat, because as soon as I start to move, it's like my my head opens up and all of the stuff comes in and I have to write it down. So so yes and no is the answer.
Speaker 1:So when you do your own practice, does that mean you're just kind of guiding yourself through Yoga poses but not following? Yeah, you know a class online or in person.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's an opportunity for me to intuitively ask my body what it needs. You know, start with breathing and then just be like, oh, this is tight, I'm going to stretch my hamstrings and, you know, now I want to get my energy going, I'm going to do some sun salutations and um, yeah, it just kind of morphs into one thing and then another thing. And I always tell my students don't even worry if it's a pose quote. You know, quote marks around that word, the pose. Just do what feels like you need. And the more you do that, the more you strengthen the connection between you and your body.
Speaker 2:You know, when I was younger and before I discovered yoga, I was very athletic and did a lot of things and I pushed myself a lot and I wasn't always listening to what my body said. I would just do it anyway. And you know, in the long run that's not a good idea, because then you have injuries and then your body you have, you have a, you have distrust instead of a trust there between you and your body. Your body's like, yeah, I don't really know what she's going to do now. So yoga is a good way to to keep that connection strong.
Speaker 1:So amazing. I love that and I think just anything we can do that gets us out for you know, busy, high achieving people, anything that gets you out of your head and into your heart and body, just fuels everything else. Right, yes, but it's sometimes one of the hardest things to do as a busy person because you want to just keep going and doing.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, you want to check the boxes. You've got a list right, whether you write it or whether it's up here, you've got a list. And when you think about your sacred space, your time alone, you're like, well, what am I? You know, what can I? What box can I check? What am I? How am I being productive? And you know, the great mystery is that when you use this time to organize yourself and your thoughts and you, you know, you get connected. You actually, I feel like God can help you make more of your day, you can be more productive, which in our brain it doesn't make sense, it doesn't. You know, two plus two doesn't equal, but it seems to be that way for me. When I take that time, the day goes smoother, there's less hiccups and it's really kind of amazing how that works.
Speaker 1:You just answered the question I was going to ask you next, which is how does this impact your life as a mom and business owner and all the things? I think, if there's anything else you would add to that Um no, just that.
Speaker 2:You know if you are and I know probably some of your listeners, maybe all of them are you know highly what's the term that you use Hyperachiever Very motivated. Yes, that's the word Hyperachiever. The first time I heard that I was like intrigued. I'm like, yeah, that's me, that's me and that's you, and that's probably a lot of people listening. These are the people. We are the people that need it the most, because doing this consistently has helped to slow that engine inside of me. That just is like go, go, go, go in it. It's taken this time to help it to to calm down.
Speaker 2:One of my most recent favorite affirmations is I have all the time I need to do what I need to do today. I have as much time as I need to do what I do today. And I say that to myself frequently. When I feel myself going back to the old way of you're not doing enough and you still have three things on the list and it's almost five and you haven't finished them, and whatever the dialogue is, I go back to that. And when I do that and I say that and I believe it, everything just calms down and I still get a ton done. I still get done what I need to. So it's just a thought that's causing these problems that I've decided I need to just override that or delete that thought and put a new one in its place.
Speaker 1:That is so powerful. I mean, I always say, like your, your words are creating your world, whether they're your just your thoughts, words in your head, or you're saying them out loud. I used to for years I was like I'm so busy, there's too much to do, it's so hectic, I don't have enough time, and that was the pace in which I lived every day and it was exhausting and same. I started just telling myself something different, like what if I have enough time? What if there's plenty of time to get all the things done? And then you start to create, literally create a new world for yourself, and it's, it's powerful.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh, you just make me so excited as we talking about this, because it's made a huge difference. I can tell you there's a big difference for you too.
Speaker 1:Oh, 100%, everybody do this. Yes, everybody do this. And my brain is always, like you know, telling me I need to be working more and doing more and working harder. And I think one of the things recently that I've been feeling, god tell me, is like Slow down. You don't have to have this all figured out, I just need to you to show up 15 minutes a day and work on this project and I'll reveal the next step for you. And Slowing down is so counterintuitive to people that want to be productive. Right, but it's actually. It. Actually it does make you more productive. Just what you're saying? Yeah, so powerful, so challenge.
Speaker 2:And it is hard to do it too. I'm not saying it's easy if you're wired that way, and maybe even if you're not wired that way. I only know my own experience. But you have to consciously decide. You know, intention is very strong and you just say I don't want to do it this way anymore. I don't want to be on this hamster wheel because it causes you to go into that sympathetic Nervous system where you're always in fight-or-flight. You're there all the time and it is really beats your body down, burns out your adrenals physically. It's bad for your health and so if you can just make the decision, I don't want to play that way anymore. There's another way. Like you said, a whole new world opens up in front of you and helps you realize that you do have the time and that you will get the answers. And then you know he'll help you find them and you don't have to stay Doing it the same way on that hamster wheel. You can get off.
Speaker 1:Yes, and it's a practice, not a perfect it's. I mean, it's something I have to practice on the daily. I have to practice every day and teach it, and I think, for people like you and I, we, we Because that helps us keep it alive in our own life as well. So, true, okay. So Can you give us an invitation for People that want to start doing something? Just give us an invitation of how we might get started, maybe today?
Speaker 2:Yeah, you know, to get started first, you decide you want to. The very first start is to say I want to do this, I want to try this. It's not just somebody, you know. If you're doing it for other reasons, then it's just falls in that other category of oh, they said I should do this. But unless you're like I need to or I want to, that's the shift right there and then it's just take some time. You can start with five minutes, you could start with ten minutes and it throughout your day, maybe in the morning first thing. I personally think that's the best time. But if that seems like a struggle to you, do it during your lunchtime, do it at the end of the day, you know, before you go to bed and Just say I'm good, this is my time, that I'm gonna think or I'm gonna journal or I'm gonna pray. You even decide what Will happen during that time. But step one is just to decide you want to and make the space for it. There's steps after that, but that's your beginning.
Speaker 1:That's so true. It's so true. It's like don't do it because it's we love it and it works for us. Do it because something really resonates in your heart as you're listening to this, that it's like this is maybe the thing I need next, that I'm being called to next, like you know, like I was being called to write. It's like just listening to the call and and show up. You might not see the rewards right away, but if you keep showing up, they will appear, I promise.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, I totally agree. It's, it's, it's amazing, it's wonderful. I could talk about this all day long.
Speaker 1:You're so good, so tell, tell people what you're up to. I know sometimes you're hosting retreats and doing different things. Yeah, you have classes, so Let people know where they can find you and what you're up to.
Speaker 2:Sure, I am. I Do a lot of different events. I love to do in-person retreats, but I have a my main, I guess, thing that I do is online. I teach Christ-centered yoga online three days a week and you know if it's something that sounds interesting, looking at that restoration yoga. I also do individual coaching. I'm a trauma integration coach and so I Help people, you know, integrate the yoga practice, which is so good for getting into your body and Healing, and so I I love right now I'm working on a group coaching program that I'll be bringing out here pretty soon and so that I also love groups of people.
Speaker 2:So I love to do things like, you know, talking here with you or any kind of group event with with women Not just women, but you know, being bringing people together in a community, because I feel like that amplifies whatever you're learning. If there's, you know, wherever two or more of you are gathered in his name, whatever that song is. Yeah, that's one of my favorite vibes, is that? So you know, find me on Instagram, I'm there. Find me on YouTube channel it's restoration yoga and in my website, restoration dash yoga, calm. And If you want to really see what I'm doing next, probably get on my my email list, and that's the best way to keep figuring out what I'm doing next. I can't stop Me either. I can't stop creating. It's what I love to do. I know I'll keep doing it.
Speaker 1:It's like the air I breathe so fun same same. Oh, thank you for shining your light. I appreciate you have a amazing day. Everybody and Camille will be back, so be on the lookout for her.
Speaker 2:Thanks everybody and thanks Carla.