Differently
Simple, yet powerful ideas for building a life, differently. Hosted by Carla Reeves, creator of The Differently Coaching Experience, this podcast offers thought-provoking conversations and practical insights for anyone looking to get out of survival mode and build a life that is truly your own. From the highs and lows of love and relationships, to the challenges and opportunities of work and career, Differently will challenge you to to rethink what’s possible.
Differently
Finding Time for Yourself in a World of Distractions with Michelle Jones
In a world full of noise and distraction, how do we stay centered and connected to who we are?
Michelle Jones joins me again today to reveal how she navigates daily life and stays focused on her true north. Together, we talk about our own practices of tuning inward in a world that's constantly pulling us outward and how this practice provides clarity about our next action.
Get ready to be inspired by...
- simple ways to practice tuning in throughout your day
- how we innately know how to do this and it's more about remembering than learning something new
- how to make peace with all the different feelings you might have
- and, how tuning in on a regular basis allows you to respond from your higher self
- And, more!
Tuning in and caring for our inner world is not an indulgence; it's essential and one of the most generous things we can do for those around us.
Enjoy!
Michelle is the President and Co-Founder of [Trauma Integration, LLC.] Michelle is an educator and Certified Trauma Integration Coach. She loves people and firmly believes in the inherent resiliency within each of us and loves uncovering the light and strength in the people she meets.
Check out Michelle's past episodes:
Resiliency with Michelle Jones
A Spark of Hope with Michelle Jones
Connect with Michelle:
www.integratetrauma.com
www.jonesharbor.com
Learn more about Carla: https:/www.carlareeves.com/
Connect on LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/reevescarla/
Connect on Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/carlasreevesaz/
Explore Coaching with Carla: https://bookme.name/carlareeves/lite/explore-coaching
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Thank you for listening!
Learn more about Carla:
Website: https:/www.carlareeves.com/
Connect on LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/reevescarla/
Connect on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@differentlythepodcast
Go to https://www.carlareeves.com/getunstuck.com to download Carla's on demand journaling workshop + exercise to help you stop spinning and start moving forward.
Explore Coaching with Carla: https://bookme.name/carlareeves/lite/explore-coaching
- If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to share it with a friend.
- A free way to support our show is by leaving a five-star rating and review on your favorite podcast player. It’s a chance to tell us what you love about the show and it helps others discover it, too.
Thank you for listening!
Hi Michelle Jones, Welcome back to Differently.
Speaker 2:Hello, I'm so excited to be here with you today, carla.
Speaker 1:I'm excited too, and for listeners. Michelle's been on a number of times before and we will put all the links to her previous episodes in the show notes. Michelle and I, as a reminder, are part of a community called MindWell Collective, which we offer free monthly workshops, and I think they're going to continue to be free. I'm not sure about that now that I say that, but we offer amazing virtual workshops and we're meeting on Monday to plan out the next series of those, so I'm excited about that.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm excited about it too. It's been a minute since we have been together and we are. There is so much fun content that we're going to be preparing for everybody and we are going to continue the monthly learning lunches, these little mini online workshops. They're going to be free. We're also going to talk about if we're going to do another in-person event, which I always love the energy of those as well, yeah, I can't wait to see what we all create together, so be on the lookout for that.
Speaker 1:Michelle has a heart, like I do, for helping others set down the pain of the past and move forward free into our life today and future. And today we're talking about one of my favorite topics. I feel like we live in such an increasingly noisy world, with so many things vying for our time and attention, and I feel like it's more and more important that we listen inside and take time to pause and reflect. And so, yes, that's what we're talking about today.
Speaker 2:Absolutely yeah, go ahead. Well, I was going to say I feel like I spent so much of my life with all of my kind of focus and awareness outside of myself, paying attention and noticing everything that's happening outside of me, like as a mother, as a professional, just like out in the world. All of that like energy and focusing system was kind of taking the temperature always on what was going on outside of me and it never really occurred to me that there was another option for where else to direct my focus.
Speaker 2:So that was so interesting because I had never been taught that that was not something that I was mentored in as a kid or as a teenager growing into young adulthood that I don't have to keep my focus externally all the time. That's not like what it means to be a responsible adult. Is that always my awareness is outside always.
Speaker 1:Oh, michelle, I can relate so much. I mean, I lived half of my life that way, just constantly gauging the outer world and trying to adjust and contort myself to sort of fit into that. And even today, like I think it's really a practice, right, a practice of even just this week, I noticed that I had kind of gotten outside of myself and was looking at a project I'm working on from the angle of like, oh wait, I need to make sure everybody's happy, I need to please everybody else. And then I had to remember wait, no, I need to answer this call that's on my heart and sort of shift that focus. For me it's an ongoing practice.
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely. I have this phrase that I love and it's returned to me and it's this little reminder for myself and I think of it in connection with, like the eternity symbol, like how it loops us back, always Right and I, and so I can tell when I've been in the space of not being internally centered for a little bit in the day, the day has gotten distracting or there's something kind of unexpected that has shown up in my life and I will literally say to myself okay, return to me, return to me for a moment, and even here, even in the midst of whatever is unfolding in this moment, however big it may be, it is not only okay, it's actually going to serve me and everyone around me better If I can pause for a moment and return to me and get really clear about how I'm doing first, and then I can take my focusing system back outside and be engaged with whatever the moment is calling for.
Speaker 1:I think that's so true. And just this week it was like I'm working on a project and I have a vision for it, but we're as a group we're kind of muddling through this and it's a little bit messy right now and not everybody can see the vision that I see. And I was getting caught up in wanting to make everybody happy and just taking what you're talking about taking that 10 minutes or whatever it is to sort of get quiet and centered and remember the vision. And remember that I'm I've is to sort of get quiet and centered and remember the vision and remember that I've got to hold that vision. I can't get swept away in the messiness of where we are. Like I've got to keep holding that vision, even though it is a little bit messy right now, and taking that quiet time to remember that then gives me the next steps of how I'm supposed to show up. That feels so much better, right.
Speaker 2:Well, yeah, I mean absolutely Especially, you know, in that kind of setting, here you have many different people that all have slightly different or maybe dramatically different views, perspectives, like things that are pulling at them.
Speaker 2:And how can we get clarity when we are kind of being pulled in eight different directions? Like that's a very distracting way to gain clarity, right. And so I think of it kind of like the breath, like we have our focus out and we're engaged and we're listening. It doesn't mean that we're not wanting to learn and adjust and gain new perspectives and be interested in the people that are around us Like that's not what it's about at all. But it's like this beautiful balance that we can have between being like very tuned in and focused on understanding and learning from and bringing ourselves into a place of openness with the people that are around us. And then, like the breath, can I now focus inward with this new information, with these new things, and see where does this land for me? How does that feel internally for me, now that I'm understanding it in this way? What feels like the right next moment for me?
Speaker 1:way, what feels like the right next moment for me. Yeah, what's the challenge to this? What do you see gets in the way for people over for yourself or others, over and over again?
Speaker 2:You know, one thing that immediately comes to mind is, I think that we often feel like we don't have time to do that, that there's always it's like we're on this treadmill that has us continually moving forward, maybe less of a treadmill and more like the moving sidewalk at like an airport or something, where, now that I'm on, I have to keep moving forward. There's tasks and there's things, and once again, this is like the responsible, adult thing to do. Like my to-do list is already so long I don't have time to have this mindful meditation moment. But even with you saying 10 minutes, I've even found sometimes it's 60 seconds. I mean, it's just the intention of pausing and allowing myself to breathe and say, okay, how am I doing? Let me check in with me with the same attentiveness that I just checked in with the people sitting in the room with me, right, and so I would say that's one that comes up.
Speaker 2:I think a lot almost like it's irresponsible for me to take my eyes off of what's happening outside of myself, and I think that that's just, you know, a little bit of fear that we just pick up over time. We just pick up that message over time. But really, is that 60 or 90 seconds going to make or break our timeline? No, in fact, it probably will speed up our efficiency because we will spend less time in an indecisive space we will spend less time in an indecisive space.
Speaker 1:I completely agree. It's so counterintuitive to what we think right, especially for high achieving people who are moving and we've got lots of things going on. It's like our brain does not want to believe that that is in any way going to be productive or efficient or help us get more done, and in fact, my experience is that it absolutely does. Just like what you're saying, do you ever find that people or clients think that this is like it's? It's selfish to take this time for your in focus on yourself?
Speaker 2:Oh, absolutely. I think that, in addition to the like, I don't have time for it the other piece that came to mind immediately was this is selfish, as if somehow, over time, we have developed this belief or this kind of prescriptive framework that now that I am an adult, everything has to be facing outward. And I wonder I mean, I can only speak from my own lived experience, right. So, speaking as a woman, speaking as a mother, speaking as an oldest daughter, like this feels like it's my stewardship to always be outward looking and make sure everybody else is doing okay. And it was an interesting thing, because even I mean, if you think of it that way, so many things can seem selfish, right, Like me taking the time to do my own inner healing work while my own children were not in a perfect place in their life. I mean, I definitely could have felt like, oh, this is a really selfish thing to do. And honestly, that's what made me kick that can down the road so long, like I'll take care of me once everybody else is okay, right. And finally, my body was like, actually, no, we're not going to do that. This needs to be taken care of now. And the interesting thing that I have found is that it's the opposite of selfish, like. Let's just take this example of me doing this inner healing work for myself, which definitely took time away from my kids and you know, as I spent time not only in structured sessions but my you know, with some introspection on my part. You know, with some introspection on my part. However, now that I'm several years past, that I have seen how that has actually benefited my kids in like insane ways, like and I'm lucky enough to have a couple of children who are adults now and they give me that feedback like this was such a great thing that you did for us, which how often do we get to hear that? Right, like, I realize I'm so lucky in that way, but this thing that I could have said look, how selfish I am has actually helped me to show up as a mother better. It's helped me to show up as a partner better, partner better. Certainly, it's brought me to this beautiful work that I do now, where I am connected to and help so many people.
Speaker 2:And all of that started because of something that some may say, oh, that was selfish, right, and so I think, in that same way, it's like that's like a huge example that took a span of like months and years to unfold, and these little examples that we're talking about are like much smaller right. These are things that can be done within a day. These are things that can be done within an afternoon, and yet I think that the results are the same, that if we're in that, if, like I'm in a meeting with somebody or I'm trying to, like, problem solve something and there's different feelings and opinions going on and I take a moment to be reflective and gain clarity, now I'm going to be taking this whole situation from my higher self, from a centered place, so I'm not only checking in with me, but I'm also now showing up as a better partner in this group situation as well, which is actually benefiting everybody in the group.
Speaker 1:Oh, this makes my heart so happy. I I think what you said about it's exactly the opposite is is so true, Like when my clients, when that comes up, when I'm talking to someone considering to do that healing work in their life, it may come up that it's selfish. My experience is that it's actually like that's a lie, that our mind is telling us and that it's one of the most generous things that you can do to yourself, for yourself and the people around you to yourself, for yourself and the people around you. And I, just like you're saying, I often see that when we start to do that inner work on ourself, that it literally downloads in some way to our children. Just like you're describing that, your kids, now that they're grown, you're starting to see that work ripple into their lives and that's how we break these family cycles of pain in our lives right, and that's how we pass that down a new legacy to our children.
Speaker 1:My husband and I were just talking about this this week that we're seeing that in our young adult boys we're starting to see the way that we broke the cycles for ourselves. It's showing up, it's sprouting in their lives and it is so fun to watch. And, like you're saying. I see that with clients where I think often our mind wants to tell us like, oh, like you're saying, we'll do that, We'll kick the can down the road. We'll do that later when there's more time and the kids don't need me as much. But it's one of the greatest gifts you give to your kids because as you start to address some of these things that you're grappling with every day in your heart and mind, you have more presence to bring to the moments with your kids where you can show up as a best version of yourself and you alter the course of those interactions, and that just ripples.
Speaker 2:Yeah, which, like, incidentally, I think that best version of ourselves is there the whole time. Yes, it just comes with all of this other stuff, right, right, like it's not. Like by doing this, you take this crap human that you are and now you become this elevated, amazing human who now finally deserves acceptance, love and belonging. That's not what's happening here at all. You like, like we are born good, you are good, you are this beautiful human in this space, but all of these things that we pick up over time clutter and get in the way and it's like we're trying to show up in our best selves.
Speaker 2:By and large, the vast majority of people that I work with they have been trying so hard their whole lives to show up as their best selves, and it's like this clutter is just in the way.
Speaker 2:It makes it very difficult for them to show up how they want to. They have the desire, they have the wanting to do that, and so that's where I think the huge frustration comes in, because people see this gap between how I'm showing up with people that I love and where I want to be, what I see for myself, what I hope for my children, what I hope for myself as a professional, and so that gap is where people will let themselves feel shame, like, oh, I'm inadequate, I'm not good enough. And so we like spiral ourselves down, which adds more junk to the pile. Like every time we do that like shame thing, now we've got more stuff piled on, so now it's even more difficult to show up how we are wanting to, and that wanting is coming from who we already are. Like, like, like, like. I think our highest and best self is that wanting that is in us and it's already there. That's where it's coming from.
Speaker 1:I can't tell you how many times I've had a client, you know, like it at the towards the end of our coaching experience like they. They say they thought when they came into this work that they like something was wrong with them, that they needed to change who they are, and at the end they're like I didn't have to change who I am. It's just clearing all that crap that gets in the way, that's mostly in our mind, that alters the way we see ourselves, our world around us. It changes the way we show up to circumstances in our life because we have limited ideas and beliefs and thinking and that's old and I believe it's just old and outdated and we have to deal with that. It's more. It's more dealing with that right Then, dealing with like there's nothing wrong with our God-given design.
Speaker 2:Well, I mean exactly, it's perfect.
Speaker 2:It's like we are actually human, like here we are as humans, having this huge range of emotions and internal experiences and brains that do what the brain does, which is come to conclusions even when we don't have all the answers. And maybe the biggest factor that's missing is having more compassion for our humanity, and that being human doesn't mean that there is something wrong with us. It just means that we are human and that that is part of our experience. That is just part of our lived experience here and so many times I think maybe what gets in the way of sitting in our best self is because we think, oh, my best self or anybody's best self doesn't include difficult things, like it doesn't include that, like if I feel anger or if I hate something or whatever, then that means that that's bad and I have to distance myself from that. That means that that's bad and I have to distance myself from that, and actually that kind of like needing to separate from my own self is another one of those things that we stack on top of ourselves.
Speaker 1:I think you're so right. It's like there's this idea that we're going to reach some point of self-mastery or mindset mastery where we're not going to have challenges and hard days and I tell my clients, like when they're struggling, I'm like this is it, this is the work. Like life is going to be hard and ups and downs. It's never been promised to us that it would be anything different than that, but having a tool set helps a lot, and getting quiet is one of those.
Speaker 2:Yeah, there's a wisdom teacher that I went to a workshop. His name is Thomas McConkie, and he said he calls it feeling disturbed, that we're going to have moments in life where we feel disturbed, right, someone's bugging us like, or bigger things like it can be a spectrum of things and he said but really like we are committing to being disturbed on and off for the rest of our life and the moment that we can accept that that's true is the moment we have internal peace, because it no longer is like something that I have to fix or fight against, or it's no longer the measurement on how I'm doing, if I'm a good person, if everything is okay in my life, because this is part of our human journey. Is that we are going to feel fill in the blank with whatever word feels good to you disturbance, struggle, like, whatever. We are going to feel those feelings on and off for the rest of our life?
Speaker 1:Yeah, and we're going to mess up and we're going to make mistakes and all of those things are normal. You know, my husband and I have been just saying to each other lately like sorry for my shortcomings, and it's like just become this funny, light way to laugh at ourselves and not take ourselves so seriously, and I think any kind of lightness and humor is so helpful.
Speaker 2:Oh my gosh. Yes, we have had like this huge range of experiences in our own marriage everything from kids with special needs, moments of financial difficulty, me having to like pull back from a lot of my share of the workload when I did my inner healing journey right Like long hours at work, all the things and humor was definitely, and continues to be, an ongoing way that we are able to be connected. Even in these hard moments, even when there's really nothing optimistic happening in this moment, we can make a joke about it and on some level it kind of is telling us. Maybe even by making a joke about it we're able to recognize this is just a moment, like I don't think that's what we're thinking in the moment, but it kind of conveys that, doesn't it like in five years this will be a story like that day when this happened.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and like I love you, I love you no matter what. Yeah, and like I love you, I love you no matter what. And it is there's so much wrapped up in just those little tiny moments or sayings that we create as a family or as a couple, that is, is it something we can learn? Is it something that some people are just better at? What is your experience and perspective on that?
Speaker 2:You know, this is something that I've been diving into a lot more lately and I used to think of this as something that I teach my clients. And now I'm beginning to recognize that this is something I'm helping my clients to remember Because, as babies, babies are brilliant at being connected to their bodies and knowing what they need right. They know if they're hungry, they know if they're uncomfortable in their diaper, they know if they need affection and love. They know fill in the blank, right. And so, as babies, we're incredibly intuitive in our bodies. We're incredibly connected to ourselves and feel no concern about making our needs known for what needs to be done to care for us, right.
Speaker 2:And then, over time, we sort of forget because we become caretakers of other people, because maybe the adult in our life that was too much for them, like whatever it is right, maybe we go full circle back to the beginning. We are molding ourselves to fit the external environment, and so we start tuning more into what's going on outside of us than we're tuning into what my body is saying. So we take this, which I think is developmentally a beautiful thing, like nobody wants a 40-year-old that acts like a three-month-old, right. Like we need to have those skills that are born from that experience. But I think what happens over time is that we become so good at reading the outside that we totally forget that we have this brilliant innate intelligence to be able to connect with our own bodies and our own self, and so that's why I feel super optimistic that this is something available to everybody, because it's not something that's foreign to us. It really becomes more familiar the more that we like, re-engage with it.
Speaker 1:That is such a beautiful way to look at it and such a comfort to think about it that way I am. I find you know, I journal with my clients, so they journal online and share their journals and we engage over those. And what I find in that process is that and I can see this in my own life that I got disconnected from myself entirely at some point in my life and I find that, with people, the writing is a bridge to build that connection back to your voice and who, your thoughts and your truth and who you are and your natural strengths and your natural rhythms. And it's such a beautiful process to come home to yourself.
Speaker 2:Yeah, for sure. I've just gotten re-engaged in writing again. It seems to come and go in cycles for me. And another thing that I added some of the things that I was writing I felt like I needed to give an actual voice to, which may sound super silly or whatever, but I would then take out my phone and make a voice memo not because it's going on social media, I'll delete it but I would speak the things that I had written and there was something really beautiful about being able to articulate those things out loud and something maybe that feels more official about recording it as a voice memo.
Speaker 2:And in that process there's different prompts or different things that connect with us at different parts of our life. But right now what is speaking to me is to say connect with us at different parts of our life, but right now what is speaking to me is to say, speaking as the voice of my inner child, like here is what I want to say. And it has been this beautiful process where I become almost obsessed with writing in the last like three weeks. So it's fun that we're connecting now at this point in the journey, since that is such a big part of the work that you do as well.
Speaker 1:Well, and is that um? Is that part of?
Speaker 2:this, creating this internal safety that you talk about. I'd love to hear a little bit more about what that means to you and how you teach that. Able to feel safe within themselves right, but that can mean so many things to so many people. Like, what does it mean to feel safe? And one of the things so this is just one piece of it maybe that I have learned is that one thing that makes people consistently feel unsafe or unsettled in themselves is when they are feeling what we may call negative things. So if there are things that they hate, that they don't like, that they feel angry about, especially if it's something that they feel like they're not supposed to feel angry about, right, like my daughter's really bugging me right now, okay, but I'm not supposed to say that out loud. Like I'm a mom and I'm supposed to always have loving feelings, right. And so here's another moment where it's like both are true, I adore this daughter of mine and I would do absolutely anything for her, and in this moment, she's really bugging me and I would like to not hear her voice for this moment, right, and so what happens is here, I am in this moment and I'm feeling that thing which is she's bugging me. I want to like pull away rather than lean toward in this moment, and I maybe have an instinct to shut that down. That's not good, that's not okay, that's not, you know, acceptable. And so now I've created this environment where something that originates in my body is not okay, it's not safe, and so I don't have a sense of internal safety. I only feel good and safe when I'm feeling positive things, which we've just discussed. Is not normal human life for us to feel that 100% of the time? I think there's like a lot of confusion about that. That that's the goal, that's the end goal, that we're going to just feel 100% positive all the time. And so, because we know that that's not even possible, what happens is every day, or multiple times a week or whatever, when these negative things come up.
Speaker 2:Now I get immediately pulled back into this shame spiral that I shouldn't feel that way, I shouldn't be thinking that way. I can't say that out loud, right, and now should I say to my daughter you are bugging me and I don't want to be near you. No, that can be an inside thought Like that doesn't have to be something that gets articulated to her. But is it okay? And this is where journaling has actually been really helpful for me, because it's the things. I don't want to say that out loud to her, because I love her and adore her and want her to know that she's accepted always by me. And yet can I honor that?
Speaker 2:This is what my internal experience is right now, and so I let my inner child speak. Like, dear inner child, what do you have to say? I am so annoyed right now. This is bugging me. The way she's talking is bugging me. Da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da, da da.
Speaker 2:And when I can be honest about it and allow that to flow without immediately needing to change or fix it, what happens is I'm able to say all the things that need to be said and it softens and it moves and it shifts. And so in that moment, even though I'm feeling this unsettling thing, I am still safe internally because I just have a knowing and an understanding that this is acceptable, it's okay that this is how I'm feeling in this moment and that, as I acknowledge it and I can be internally honest about that, it will move and shift and the overarching belief, value, framework of I love my daughter unconditionally, I accept her. You know I would step in front of whatever, for her, is the overarching thing that will be left when this fleeting thing shifts and moves.
Speaker 1:That is so beautiful. I mean, it's like how can we expect ourself to do all these things that you just described for other people? But we're not really taught to do that for ourself, right? But as adults like we can learn to do that and to make space for all the parts and voices inside of us, and when we do that then we can respond outwardly in a more loving, kind, peaceful way.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I mean, I would say during my part of motherhood where I only let myself feel shame about those feelings, those things really got kind of just pushed down and it's a little bit like a pressure cooker and so at some point along the journey my kids have no idea that I've been pressure cookering all this stuff and now, suddenly, in the middle of really not a big deal moment, all this stuff pops out and I am so angry and so frustrated and saying things that I immediately regret right, and all of that is happening because I've been denying the honesty of what I was feeling four weeks ago or whatever, cumulatively, where one of the things I notice now is that if I allow myself to once again return to me, take time to come internally and to make space for those feelings without shame, like through a lens of compassion and understanding, then they don't pile up and actually my kids get this experience of like, by and large, not having me like pop on them at unpredictable moments because I have been allowing myself the grace of being human all along the way.
Speaker 1:That reminds me like I used to have a pattern in my life of like go, go, go, go crash, and I think it really parallels with what you're talking about. Like I had to learn how to tune in and listen to what was going on inside and in my body so that I could learn to take better care of myself along the way, instead of just grinding and work and just pushing myself and overextending myself to the point of like pop right, like you're talking about, and I was able to really shift that cycle to just along the way. Like you're saying and I think that's what you and I are talking about is like just I'm hoping this conversation inspires people to think about like what could that look like in your life to sort of take care of yourself along the way? And I really like this idea of inner honesty that you're talking about.
Speaker 2:Yeah, and I think, speaking to your example on the more physical side of things, to go and go and go until we can't go anymore, as if there's something noble about that and I have to earn rest, like I get to earn rest when everything is finished, and it's such an, it's just such an interesting and really faulty logic and actually there's not really any logic to it at all. It's just this thing that we all collectively agreed upon, probably part of our like, this thing that we all collectively agreed upon, probably part of our, like you know, early American work ethic, that we like work, work, work, work, work. But the truth is, even if we just look to the body and so my first profession was as a nurse, so I spent some time studying the body which is just like this phenomenal miracle that we get to walk around in all of the time and the body is set to be in this rhythm right where we're awake and we're functioning and our body is showing up for us all day long, doing all the things that we need to do and then there's this built in rest, where all of the systems and all of the organs have a chance to do their repair work and to do all the things that are needed so that they can continue to function. And literally, people can show up with serious, chronic illness simply because the body hasn't had a chance to do this internal repair work, which requires rest. It requires not doing anything so that the body can do that. And there's something really beautiful that we can learn from that natural rhythm that our body literally requires to maintain its health, that we can also likewise, like, support our body in that and allow ourselves to have rest.
Speaker 2:On a practical level, I was talking to my son. He's two weeks away from graduating with his bachelor's degree and he has these finals coming up. So this is like a classic moment of like hey, that's great, michelle, but what about when you have four finals next week? Like, I can't just like take the time off, right. But as we talk through it, it's like he had this internal message that was saying every spare moment needs to be spent studying, every moment. If you're doing anything else, then your risk for failure goes up, right.
Speaker 2:And so he had come over to eat dinner with us, because we're lucky enough, he goes to school just 20 minutes from us, and so we get to see him regularly, and he'd come over to eat with us and pick something up from the house, and he had been engaged in studying and attending review sessions and some of these things from like eight in the morning till 4.30 PM, so he'd been working on it all day and came to eat with us and he was like I'm just so mentally tired that all my body wants to do is rest and but I feel like I can't give myself permission to do that because I need to, like, keep studying.
Speaker 2:I have these tests next week, and so we had this really beautiful conversation about it that actually the worst thing that could happen is for him to spend 18 hours a day for the next four days, pushing himself to the very edge of his coping, get in burnout mode, and then he hasn't even started taking his tests yet. Like his brain is not going to be functioning in an optimal space and we're not taking into account that he showed up. He's one of those really cool kids who actually attends class, so I'm like we have to count. You've been attending class, you've been doing your assignments, you've been investing all along in these things, and now one of the most beautiful things you could do is, in addition to your preparation. You need to build in time for things that replenish you so that you are not burnt out when you need to show up for these tests eight, nine days from now.
Speaker 1:What a beautiful example. I just I feel like I've so had to learn that in my own life, of that rest is a gift that we have to be willing to receive, a gift that we have to be willing to receive. And rest doesn't mean I'm not going to get to do all the things. It doesn't mean I have to be less productive. It doesn't mean all the lies that my mind wants it to mean that it's going to take away or that I don't enjoy it, or all. I had to challenge so much inside of myself to build rest into my life. And it has been the greatest gift and it gives back to everything, everything I do.
Speaker 2:Absolutely. You know it's interesting because he's been on a bit of an experiment. Last semester he was in like grind mode like all the time, to the point of, you know, feeling like he wanted to have a breakdown every week because he's just mentally, emotionally, physically exhausted. We all have been in that place before. And this semester he's been trying this experiment where he builds time into his day to be social and meet a friend for coffee even on the weeks that he has a lot going on.
Speaker 2:Friend for coffee even on the weeks that he has a lot going on, to watch an episode of a show that he is loving at the moment, to walk and enjoy going to his favorite coffee shop, to study instead of just staying at home, and these are all things that like maybe we would think, oh, that takes up too much time, I don't have time to do that. But the cool thing is he has still been thriving, he's still been doing just as well in his classes, but he's actually been like functioning and enjoying the experience more, like like wait a second, we can still be highly productive, still accomplish all the things we need to and not feel miserable Like that's an amazing concept. What if it doesn't have to be hard Like what if it doesn't have to feel miserable?
Speaker 1:That's so true. It's so true. I just love that so much. How cool that your son is experimenting with that. Yeah, it is, and I think that's experiments. I love experiments. You know, don't take, michelle and I don't take our word for it. Take this into your life and experiment with it, because I've had that experience that you can actually feel great along the way. I've been practicing working, just changing my posture when I'm in my office working Instead of being on the edge of my seat with my stomach clenched and like powering through stuff, like being relaxed and enjoying and getting up more frequently and moving, and and then I find that I just feel better all day long. Um, it's, it's incredible. So try it out. What were you going to say?
Speaker 2:Well, I mean, it's just this mind blowing experience, like like I'm constantly in awe and joy, that I can enjoy and feel good along the way, even though there are still moments that come up that are disturbing or that you know are are difficult, that everything doesn't have to feel so hard all the time. And I think a huge part of that is rest, like I mean, I would say I would personally credit it to two things literal rest and tuning into myself and allowing myself to begin to understand what is my body needing and doing what I can to meet the needs of my body body needing and doing what I can to meet the needs of my body Well, and if we're taking care of our energy more along the way, then when those hard things hit, when we hit the bumps in the road, we're better equipped to handle them instead of pop and snap.
Speaker 1:So, michelle, any last things that we didn't get to, that you want to make sure our listener hears things that you, that we didn't get to, that you want to make sure our listener hears.
Speaker 2:You know I just have loved this whole direction that we've taken in the conversation. So I feel like the thing that I would bring up again is, if you have been listening to this and thinking that's so great for Carla and Michelle that they have this gift to be able to do that, and even Michelle's son is learning this like this is amazing. Too bad that that's not my natural strength. Like too bad that I am not that kind of person that I would say neither was I and neither was I Exactly, and so I would have thought, oh, that's not the type of person I am at all right Like ease and flow in life, no, no, no, like that is not me. And yet here I sit, and so to our listeners I would say even you, like this is even for you, and that you also have this inner knowing in you for how to return to this feeling of well being.
Speaker 1:And you can start with a tiny step, a tiny seed, and grow it. Yeah, so start small. Michelle. Where can everybody find out about all the good things you're doing?
Speaker 2:All the good things, okay. So there's like this huge variety of ways to connect, and I freaking love that. So we talked about the MindWell Collective. You can find more about that on IntegrateTraumacom and in the MindWell Collective. This is a great way to learn from a huge variety of us on a regular basis, free of access, virtually from anywhere that you are, so that is something to definitely connect and click in with. I also work with people in my personal coaching practice, one on one, and you can find me there at jonesharborcom, and I absolutely love that work that I do too. I feel this beautiful blend in my life, this pull to be kind of outreach and to be connecting with people and make everything as accessible as possible, and I'm also aware that for some people, like the intimacy of working one-on-one is also a really beautiful experience as well. So those are the main two ways that people can connect up with me.
Speaker 1:Amazing, michelle. Thank you. Thank you, listeners, for hanging out with us today. I love having conversation with you and I look forward to doing it again. Thanks for your time today. Thanks, carla.