Differently
Simple, yet powerful ideas for building a life, differently. Hosted by Carla Reeves, creator of The Differently Coaching Experience, this podcast offers thought-provoking conversations and practical insights for anyone looking to get out of survival mode and build a life that is truly your own. From the highs and lows of love and relationships, to the challenges and opportunities of work and career, Differently will challenge you to to rethink what’s possible.
Differently
Client Spotlight: A Life by Design with Cara Leis (Encore Episode)
What happens when you realize your successful life feels completely empty inside? For Cara, a high-achieving sports industry professional, this uncomfortable question sparked a profound transformation from living to prove herself to others to intentionally designing an authentic life.
The journey begins with recognition. Despite ascending in her male-dominated field and building an impressive career with NBA teams, Cara felt hollow and disconnected—successful on paper yet unfulfilled within. Her motivation had always stemmed from proving wrong those who said she couldn't achieve something or from pursuing an impossible standard of perfection. While this drive had served her career well, it left her personal life feeling inauthentic and draining.
"I truly think for a long time, it was always about how can you be the best? What's perfection? How are you constantly trying to prove yourself to others?" Cara reveals. This realization led her to examine what she calls her "survival model"—the collection of beliefs and behaviors that once helped her navigate her world but eventually became limitations. Through this process, she discovered the freedom that comes from shifting focus: from external validation to internal motivation, from needing every relationship to affirming her worth to cultivating deeper connections with fewer people who truly supported her growth.
One of the most powerful metaphors Cara shares compares two approaches to life's challenges: "Buffalo run toward the thunderstorm while cows stand together and let it pass over them. The buffalo actually spends less time in the storm because they run towards it and deal with it." This philosophy has transformed how she handles discomfort, teaching her to face difficulties directly rather than attempting to outrun them.
Today, Cara views her life as a canvas she gets to paint herself. Her journey demonstrates that creating change doesn't require waiting for perfect circumstances—it starts with present choices, regardless of your situation. Through practical tools like separating facts from stories and addressing small upsets before they accumulate, she shows that intentional living is an ongoing practice rather than a destination.
Ready to examine whether your life brings you joy when you wake each morning? This conversation might just be your invitation to start painting your own canvas, exactly as you choose.
Learn more about Carla:
Website: https:/www.carlareeves.com/
Connect on LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/reevescarla/
Connect on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@differentlythepodcast
Go to https://carlareeves.com/freeclass to get The Class schedule, sign up, and/or pass it on to a friend. Each month is a new topic. Come hang out and learn with us for FREE!
Get your copy of 5 Ways to Manage Your Mind
Go to https://www.carlareeves.com/getunstuck.com to download Carla's on demand journaling workshop + exercise to help you stop spinning and start moving forward.
Explore Coaching with Carla: https://bookme.name/carlareeves/lite/explore-coaching
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Thank you for listening!
I'm Carla Reeves, and this is Differently. Whether you feel stuck in survival, navigating a change, or seeking more for your life, may this podcast be your weekly nudge to take a risk to build a life that is uniquely bold, authentic and in alignment with your deepest values. What if you worried less about the bumps in the road and instead got equipped for the journey? Get ready to rethink what's possible. So, kara, I am so excited that you're here today and I want you to know, and I want the audience to know, that you know, when I thought of the theme for this month and life differently, you came to mind because you're somebody that you saw something different. You knew you wanted something different for your life and you have so wholeheartedly over an extended period of time, really embraced that in your life and have been on this journey of really intentionally designing your life. So excited to have you here. Welcome to the show, thank you. Yeah, I'd love for you to just start. Introduce yourself, give us a sense of who you are and what you're up to.
Speaker 2:Absolutely Well. First and foremost, thank you so much. This is such an honor, but I am so excited and thrilled for you to be launching this podcast. I think this is going to have an impact on so many people in amazing and different ways. I know, just having such a close relationship with you and getting to know you, you've played a huge part in my life and really the journey as a whole. So thank you very much.
Speaker 2:Yeah, really, starting things off background, a little bit about myself Born and raised in Rapid City, south Dakota, and grew up as a very competitive, spirited, energetic child. I think my energy has always been around, wanting to seek knowledge and experiences. I joke because all my friends know I'm absolutely someone that follows horoscopes and, since I'm a Gemini, I think finding adventure or finding experiences and seeking knowledge and communication has always been a big part of what gets me excited and a lot of that is honestly what led me to seeking out, being different and honestly wanting more in my life. I have worked in the sports and entertainment industry for most of my professional career the last eight seasons with different NBA teams, and I think the competitive nature of sales, but also the sports side, is always something that I thrived and really enjoyed. It's also an industry that is extremely male dominated, which I think was never at a time intimidating. Really came to play is I've had so many amazing male leaders and very influential males that have taught me a lot throughout my career and my time working for those teams.
Speaker 2:But what was interesting to me is, as I was starting out, I kept seeking or looking for a female role model or a female figure or someone that I felt like I could ask the tough, maybe female conversations or questions. And not that there are no female leaders, because there is absolutely some amazing ones, I think in certain aspects I just didn't feel like I was getting the connection or able to open up in a different way. It felt very much this is sales, this is sports, and I think that's where my time actually with the past team, actually in Phoenix with the Suns, I had an amazing leader that I really approached and I said I just feel like there's more. I really want to explore what else is possible for me from a mental capacity, but also emotionally. I think so often we get caught up in our work or our families or our life and we sometimes don't spend enough time on our mental health or emotional health, and I just kept feeling like there was something pushing me towards seeking out someone that could offer this advice or open my eyes and present knowledge or present a new way of looking at things. And so after talking with him, it's crazy kind of how the circle comes together and how you and I got connected. But after the first time I spoke with you and it's you that I knew I wanted more and I felt like you were going to kind of open my eyes to looking at things differently.
Speaker 2:So I think that was a really big piece of it is not only knowing that I have amazing male role models and leaders, but opening up to someone that is not at all tied to the industry I work in and I think more importantly like your life story, but also the way that you presented and never kind of forced ideas but allowed me to find them and presented things more in questions. I think it really helped me see the possibilities that were out there and think through it. I go back to the survival model that taught me so much like looking at how I grew up and certain things I believed in where I felt so much like the male figure had to really be in the driver's seat and I had these thought processes of this is how things are done and I think you've really opened my eyes to seeing things differently. Or, more importantly, in sales and in the leadership role, when I was around a lot of male figures, you're intimidated, thinking like, oh, am I coming off as bitchy or am I too emotional?
Speaker 2:And now, since I've had a chance to work with you, like I embrace that so much and I've had so many times where leaders have just said you speak real. Or you know, I know I'm getting authentic, raw, like truth coming from you. So I think I've started to embrace that more, instead of it looking at it as it's a negative. I can't control how someone technically wants to call it, if they want to label it, but what I can control is that I am authentic, I am real, you're getting the raw piece of who I am and I'll always speak my truth. And so those are some things that I think opened my eyes initially when I started really working with you. But, most importantly, you just hit a point where you're like I know there's more to life and I want to figure this out. So that's where a lot of this started.
Speaker 1:I love that. So there's so much I want to explore. But go back, take us back, because I think it's so like the work you do in the world is really fascinating. I think and it's did you did you know is that young, spirited athletic girl that you would, that you wanted to be in the sports industry?
Speaker 2:It's it's interesting because my kind of start in sports is is a little unique. I originally went to a university to play three sports in college and started out as an interior design major because I love design, I love creativity. Three sports in college, yes, which, looking back, is insane Volleyball, basketball and softball and I think it teaches you so much like discipline, time management. I'm extremely grateful for it. But sports really does teach you a lot of skill sets that I think are important in the workplace. So I give a lot of credit to anyone that's a college athlete. It's a lot of work but it pays off in the end.
Speaker 2:And I didn't really know I wanted to work in sports. I think it was always a dream and an aspiration. But growing up in South Dakota, you're kind of like is this a possibility? And a lot of people are like, oh, that would never happen. So I used to always be driven by people saying I couldn't do things. That always used to be my motivation was like, oh, like you can't do that or there's no way you can play three sports in college for all four years. So I used to get so much drive from it and going back to your question is like I ended up switching my major because of a professor that literally changed my whole perspective on business and I took his entrepreneurship class and fell in love with like business and sales and connecting with people and communication.
Speaker 2:That after graduation, I moved out to Charlotte because I was actually previously married at the time and when I was out there I just was nonstop trying to apply for sports teams there and it was it kind of went back to like people saying, oh, there's no way you're going to be able to work in sports, there's no way you're going to be a leader for a sports team, and it did. It just drove me to like want it more and more. But I would say like I'm in definitely a different place over the last year and a half, where the motivation doesn't come from people telling me I can't do it anymore. It truly comes from me wanting it that bad for myself. So that was a really awesome kind of piece to experience. Instead of hearing these voices and saying like, no, I'm going to do it, I'm going to prove you wrong. It's truly like now just me saying this is something I'm really passionate and this is where I'm going.
Speaker 1:So and share what is the work that you do today in the sports industry.
Speaker 2:Yes, so I work for a company called FIBO, which is an amazing platform and really social tool that basically works directly with sports teams and we are a social cart.
Speaker 2:So imagine shopping on like an Amazon or, you know, checking out with your experience. We live on brand with sports teams but we help basically them share and sell whether it's tickets, merchandise, parking in more of a technology and like innovative fashion, and a lot of it is more like strategy working with teams on how they are selling potentially tickets or promotional events, and really our goal is that we're moving into different verticals. So we obviously have a very strong president in sports and entertainment, but looking at retail, health and beauty, travel and having basically a social cart that lives on brand with a company and allows for like a seamless checkout process where everything lives in one place. When you think about like Disney World, you go and you buy your express pass, you're parking everything in one place. So that is what I currently do, but I'm definitely more focused on the sports team side and working directly with teams on like strategy and like the innovation and moving tickets to more of a digital era.
Speaker 1:Awesome. Okay, so take us back to that moment when you said you know, like I knew, there was more. What was the? What was the cause? Usually when we, when we know we want to change something, there's a little bit of friction or a little bit of rub, that's happening. Um, what was that for you?
Speaker 2:I think some of it actually started with, like, whether it was relationships I had or experiences I got in, that coming out of it I just didn't feel whole or I felt empty and kind of hollow. Um, and I think some of it actually came more from relationships, I think in the workplace right, like you're looking for fulfillment or you're looking for, like, appreciation in some cases. But some of it actually started with relationships where I feel as though I was giving a lot in certain relationships or I was maybe expecting more, and I just felt like hollow and not fulfilled. And so I kind of started just looking at myself like who are the people in my life, like what are the experiences or what are the things I'm getting involved with? And if I'm doing something, like is it actually helping me or is it hurting me in more cases?
Speaker 2:And at the time I think there was just a lot of things kind of piling on top of each other where I just kept feeling like this isn't who I want to be and this isn't what I think I'm meant to be for myself. And that was where, honestly, I was like I've got to change something, like this is just not feeling good, and I felt really alone, like even though I had a lot of people around me or friends or relationships, like I felt really alone and like no one understood me. I think where where it all kind of started for me personally.
Speaker 1:Well, and you talked about the survival model. So just for listeners who may not know what that is, our survival model is really made up of thinking and behaviors and beliefs that at one time in our life really helped us to survive our environment. It's not all bad. It actually got us a lot of success. And I think what you're describing is that model like had worked for a long time and you were. Obviously you had a lot of great things happening in your life, there was a lot of success, and I think what you're describing is that model like had worked for a long time and you were. Obviously you had a lot of great things happening in your life, there was a lot of success in your life, but it was really. You described it kind of being driven by this. I don't want to put words in your mouth, but you were driven sort of by this external something right, what was that Like? How would you describe that?
Speaker 2:sort of by this external something, right, what was that Like? How would you describe that? Absolutely, I think the external part, but I was driven more by what people said I couldn't do or wasn't possible, but also this idea of like perfection. I truly think for a long time, it was always about like, how can you be the best? Like what's perfection? Like, how are you constantly basically trying to prove yourself to others? Um, and that was something that the survival model, I think you, you grow up like.
Speaker 2:I have two amazing parents that are still married and very strong influences on my life and right, like they grew up teaching me this like way of living, and, while I'm extremely appreciative of it, I think moving and being around different people, different backgrounds, different walks of life it's truly opened my eyes to you. Make your own. Like, you make your own decisions and this life that you have in front of you, like you can paint it and make it exactly how you want it to be, not what someone else wants it to be or thinks it should be, and it doesn't have to be what everyone's done in the past and so I do. I think I just always was kind of striving for this perfection or this, this is what I have to do type of mindset, and that's a very unfulfilling, like unsatisfying, journey, cause you, just you don't, I don't even feel like it was myself, like it wasn't authentic to who I was.
Speaker 1:Well, and I can relate, I mean, my journey was so similar of. I mean, for me it was about, you know, going through life, sort of checking all those boxes that I, you know, like the world and culture had told me like you need to do in order to achieve happiness. And I had done that, I had checked the boxes, but had that empty, hollow feeling inside, like you, and knew that something had to change. And for me it was sort of living to prove or living to. You know, I was, I was masterful at having it all look good on the outside, but inside I was empty and I was never taught I don't think we're taught to cultivate an inner life that is fulfilling, and I think what you're describing is what so many people experience, is that you know that survival model carries us for so long, but then we reach a point where there is like we want something more and we're kind of feel like we're we're doing all the right things and our intentions are good, but we feel like we're kind of hitting up against a wall and what you did is is really like you were willing to look at that and really look at what was driving you and break down some of that.
Speaker 1:So tell us, like, take us back to a moment when you recognized, you know that you were sort of operating in this survival model and what you like, what was that like when you first started kind of tapping on those knocking down those, those old walls or rules or ways of living, those knocking?
Speaker 2:down those old walls or rules or ways of living? Yeah, it's a good question. I think it's one. I go back and there's probably so many instances where I don't even really know I'm going in like a survival model, like this is what I thought, but now I think, being more present and like taking a step back and observing I think I told you this once like I was in a meeting at work and you know there's so many different voices and normally, right, it's like okay, who's the first one to like say something? And I almost felt like I was out of my body, like I was just like sitting there, so present, listening, but yet it allowed me to look at the room a little bit better.
Speaker 2:So something in one of my survival models was like, truly, I used to have this mindset like that, you know the male in, like the relationship personally, for me at least, like my family, right, like my dad definitely supported our family and my mom also supported our family, but in a different way. Like my dad family and my mom also supported our family, but in a different way. Like my dad worked and my mom, like took care of the household, like, and I think I I used to look at that Like it was a bad thing that as a female like I am a very alpha female. I'm very much like I want to work, I want to work very hard. Like I want to work. I want to work very hard. Like I want to excel at a high level, like I don't. My goal in life is not to be in, like in the home, like taking care of a home, like that just isn't something that is rewarding or fulfilling to me. I think there are some people that like do an amazing job and that's a big piece of their life and what they're looking for, and that used to honestly kind of stop me a lot Like my. I would constantly be looking or saying, oh well, like the male has to be in the driver's seat, or, like you know, my mom as a, as a female, like she like didn't bring in monetary in certain instances, but then I was like, holy crap, my mom like ran the household, like her job was just as important and like she's running us to sports activities and like she's taking care of us, like feeding us and all these things.
Speaker 2:And in my situation, I think the way you presented it and what opened my eyes is like, where do I want to be in the driver's seat and where do I not want to be in the driver's seat? And like with work, I think, because I've been in leadership roles, I I do want to be in the driver's seat, I do want to make decisions, I do want to lead and guide my team in the direction that it needs to go. But in my personal life, while I can still have a job, maybe I do want to allow my significant other to step up and be more of again the one in the driver's seat and be supportive. But where are those places that you can kind of be in the driver's seat and not? And I think so often I just always assumed like I don't ever want to let someone else make the decisions, like I want to make every single decision. But that was one in the survival model that I think got me caught up a lot. And when I started just to take a step back and say, okay, where, where is this model? That I think got me caught up a lot. And when I started just to take a step back and say, okay, where, where is this good that I make a decision or make a comment, and then where is this an opportunity that I can be more supportive and and and be more of the person. That's not the type A, driving the person out or driving the decision.
Speaker 2:And then the other one goes back to that meeting. Like I think in work, so often this idea that like, oh, you're coming off as a bitch, or you're so emotional in the workplace, like I used to get so tied up in that and be like, oh man, like that's what everybody thinks, like you automatically just thought that if you said something super direct or if you heard it right, like out of the meeting, if someone would be like, oh man, she came off and said this, it used to really bother me and I was like gosh, like I'm really not. But now I would tell you like I embrace those moments, like I am someone that's direct and that is a quality. You had me do an exercise where I sent to different people that are really important in my life Like I had to send them, like what are some key things about, about Kara, that obviously stand out to you? And I want to say like five out of the seven that I sent it to all wrote back as, like the number one was like she speaks truthfully, she speaks honest and direct, and it wasn't like to me. I think that opened my eyes Like that's so true, like if it comes off or you think in your eyes that it's a bitchy me being direct, no, like then I embrace that, like I am direct and I am like truthful and honest.
Speaker 2:And the other piece of that was like the emotional. I know I have so much passion and so much energy for what I do or people that are in my life that I care about that. If that's perceived as like emotional or like up and down, I think for me I just know I'm really passionate If I want something done, like you're going to hear my energy and excitement because I want you to follow me right, like I want you to get just as excited as I am. So those are kind of two that really stood out in my survival model initially that I kind of just had to take a step back from and and I think maybe that's also kind of what's hurt me potentially in some of my like personal relationships, like with boyfriends, significant others, like I think that that you know previously, even in my marriage, like I think some of those situations could have actually hurt more than it helped me, having this idea that I always needed to be in the driver's seat in certain situations.
Speaker 1:Yeah, so what you're talking about is is really like those lenses that we go through life. It's like a pair of glasses and if we're looking through the lens of, you know I have to be in the driver's seat or men are always in the driver's seat, or whatever it is, that lens has such a huge impact on how you show up, how you behave. You know, just like when you're talking about those being in that meeting, if you had the lens of you know being in that meeting, if you had the lens of you know men are in the driver's seat or I have to be in the driver's seat, either one you can feel like the the way that that would impact your behavior. One if you think it's men have to be in the driver's seat, then maybe maybe you or other people like silence their voice or they're shushing themselves, they don't speak up. Or the other extreme, which is I have to always be in the driver's seat, is maybe you're like forcing ideas and speaking when maybe you didn't need to speak and those, those lenses really drive so much behavior that that maybe is out of alignment with who we really are.
Speaker 1:And that's what I hear you saying. Like you were able to kind of move away from that and instead of that, that old way of being running you, you like, got into a place of choice Like I can, it's you know, like you suddenly have options. Right, it's not just one way. It's like wait a minute, well, let me look at the options here and and really do what aligns with the more the outcome that I really want, or how I want to show up people's opinions of us.
Speaker 1:Right, like this is something we talk about all the time is is, you know, people love to hear, like, what other people think of me as none of my business. Right, and when you start to really think about that, it does change things, because I know for myself, like I lived many, many years of my life, you know, kind of adjusting and editing myself according to what I thought. Other people, you know, thought, which is usually wrong anyway. Right, we don't, it's really not our business to be thinking for other people and I could, as you were, sharing that I could feel where you freed yourself up around that. Is that true?
Speaker 2:Absolutely, and I'm sure everyone's experienced it. Anyone even listening, I'm sure, if you look back, there's been a time or an instance where someone said something and right like maybe it didn't feel great or it was hard to hear weight lifted. When you can just hear it and almost just brush it right off. It takes a lot and it's definitely not easy, but I would absolutely agree with you, carla, for sure.
Speaker 1:So tell us about, because I think something fascinating about you and I think something we discovered was really how strong your relationships in your life are and you talked about you know, like your relationship. You had so many great male leaders and so paint a picture of like because you talked about you know, sort of needing to prove and being fueled by this competitive edge for a long time and then really starting to shift that as you started to kind of change how you were showing up in life and business. What like? What did that look like? Because I think sometimes it's hard for people to envision like this can feel like such a big change that has to happen. But what I remember about you is it was just like you would make little simple shifts in the moments of you know a conversation, and so I don't know if you can remember any specific scenarios, but how did that communication in your relationships change and evolve?
Speaker 2:I think it first really started with and you know, I think a lot of business professionals, right Like it is about networking, it's about who you're meeting with, and sometimes you put your agenda before others, right Like, okay, I want to meet so-and-so because, or I want to build this relationship and you might start building these relationships.
Speaker 2:And at work it can sometimes get sticky, right Like there's politics in every workplace where you know you want to be on the right side of your boss or you want to be like someone that they go to for X, y and Z, and I think that that is where it starts to be almost a rat race, where it's like you you really have to. And I guess personally and I'll speak to myself like I really took a step back and I was like who are the relationships that are like truly a two way like relationship where, like I can offer support and they can offer support to me? And it's funny, I had someone once tell me like as you move into leadership and you move your way up, it gets lonely at the top, and I thought to myself, like gosh, like what does that mean? Is it because you're, you know you have less people Like I'm just like was so curious by hearing that, and I think in some instance it's actually true. And I think it's true because I think you start to really identify who are the people you really want to run with, Like, who are the ones that are going to push you and elevate you? And they aren't going to tell you like, oh, you're doing a great job. They're going to come back and say, okay, you might be doing a great job, but I think you could be better if you were doing this. And so, honestly, me personally.
Speaker 2:I think I used to going back to the opinions of others. I wanted to everyone to like, like me in a sense of like, okay, I can go to her. Or like, oh, she's so nice. Or you know, you wanted this kind of like outside acceptance, and that was like something I just kind of was like I need to stop this part, like, this is where I need to start. I need to start with it's not about everyone saying, oh, she's, you know, I really like her, I'd hang out with her outside of work, but more about, as a professional, where do I want to go and where do I want to really grow? And like, who's going to push me there and it was surrounding myself with a lot of people that don't think the same as me. You know, when I was hiring like managers for my team with the sons, I had an amazing opportunity to bring in leaders that didn't think like me. And I will tell you to bring in leaders that didn't think like me and I will tell you, those three managers like taught me so much in such a short period of time. All three of them like had different skill sets, different traits, and like they taught me something. I mean I hope that I in turn did the same at some point for them.
Speaker 2:But that's something that I feel like now is so important. Like I don't want people that think like-minded to myself. If it is considered lonely at the top, like I look at it being, I have way more intentional relationships and unfortunately, like I shouldn't say unfortunately, I should say fortunately I've cut a lot of people out of my life or like stopped communicating or giving my energy to people that I don't think best serves me, or it's really not a dual like. We're doing this together and they're supportive of me just as supportive as I am to them. So I think that's a very powerful exercise.
Speaker 2:It's not easy, especially if you've had relationships with I think you and I talked about this, carla right Like friendships that you've had when you were younger and then, as you grow, like you change, um, and maybe you're not as close anymore. And that's truly what I felt. Even in relationships, you know, I feel like people that I used to really like love or have such love for. We changed and like is this someone that's still really supportive of my life, or is it better for us to love from a distance and move in a different direction? So I think that's the exercise it really has to start with is like take a deep look at these relationships and with their work. If their work relationships like, are they serving you in the best manner and is this one where you can be supportive, but they're supportive back and pushing you to elevate to a higher level?
Speaker 1:Yeah, that totally makes sense. So I know for you you talked about like, or you've said a couple times like it's not easy, and I think that you know a lot of people this doing this work on yourself, it can feel really hard, and I think that can even be a barrier for people doing it. And so what would you say about that? Like, yes, it's hard work, it takes discipline, but, yeah, I would love your perspective on that.
Speaker 2:I think your word discipline is so fitting, but also being uncomfortable, like. It's uncomfortable right, um, and I mentioned this to you, but I think I'm really grateful for a time right now with, like the pandemic, which I know some listeners might be like what? Like I am so ready for 2020 to be over and I can definitely say I am as well and ready for us to be beyond the COVID and pandemic situation. But it's made me again like, really take a good look and get uncomfortable with, like myself, meaning we're so busy sometimes like running our day-to-day life, whether that's work, whether that's picking up children, like whether that's our friends traveling, like we tend to mask or cover up so much of what's happening mentally or internally, and it's like go, go, go, like I'm busy, busy, busy. I feel like this time has made, I hope, some of us I know personally, for me, it's allowed me to take another look at like what are the things that I have been pushing off internally or mentally and not wanting to deal with and I need to address? And I do think it takes discipline, I think it takes sitting down and like being uncomfortable with yourself and recognizing that there are areas that you can improve and get better. And it goes back to mental health. But I think it's so much about like talking positively to yourself, like that internal voice is so powerful. There were days where it was hard. I was like, oh my gosh, like this is so difficult or or this is a lot of work potentially. But then, like that mental voice of like you've got this girl, or like this is going to be worth it, like this is going to be so much more exciting or what's ahead, that's kind of the piece that I would say like find that internal voice. Like talk to yourself, tell yourself you're a badass. Like wake up in the morning and just get excited for the day. You taught me so much about a morning routine and I feel like that's really had an impact on my discipline is like waking up every morning, what am I grateful for? Like going on a walk, talking to family. But I would just say that getting uncomfortable is is where it starts, and I hope that this time has taught some of us like you can't cover everything up and you can't run from it. It's always going to be there, and I think that's where I used to run a lot from it. I'd used to like move to a new city or run from things instead of just sitting and dealing with it and moving past it.
Speaker 2:So, um, there's a book I'd highly recommend. It's called taking the stairs and it's actually been like a really big inspiration for me. But in the very beginning of the book there's a story about, you know, buffalo and cows and I know this might sound funny, but growing up in the Midwest, like you see a lot of cows that herd together when there's a storm. However, buffalo what's interesting actually run towards, like the thunderstorm if it's coming or any type of storm. So, realistically, a buffalo spends less time in the storm because they ran towards it and dealt with it, versus cows that stand and let the storm basically come over and stand together. So I love that.
Speaker 2:Yes, like I have, I have really tried to live that in so many instances, whether it's talking about things at work that I really didn't want to maybe go to a team member and tell them about, or in my personal life that deal with it now and you're going to have less time spending in the storm versus keeping delaying it and delaying it and just standing there not doing anything. So that would be my kind of way of handling that, but the discipline is key.
Speaker 1:Yeah, well, gosh, you talked about so many things in there, but you know that internal voice. I think is such an important piece because I don't think you know what I hear when I hear you talking. It's I really can see. And just in knowing you in your journey, is that you really have shifted the relationship with yourself. And we're never taught that like we should even have a relationship with ourself, you know, and we can be so focused, like you were saying, on wanting other people to like us and we never even stopped to look at like, do I like me? Like here I'm expecting other people to like me, but do I like me? And what is the relationship I have with myself?
Speaker 1:And I remember hearing on a podcast a long time ago that this guy said, like, make your mind your best friend, and I thought that was the coolest thing. I mean, we would travel 24 seven with this. You know, which is typically feels like this monster, but it's absolutely possible and you demonstrate it so beautifully is that it doesn't have to be and that you can shift the quality of that relationship you have. And as you do that with yourself, it ripples to every relationship you have in your life. And then the other piece you talk about is like the uncomfortable. And it is uncomfortable and I think to do this work, you, you do have to be willing to get uncomfortable.
Speaker 1:But I also would say that that like what's on the other side of that and not doing the work, like that's pretty uncomfortable too and it's like, do I want to actually take action?
Speaker 1:That's going to, that has the possibility of opening a door to an entirely different experience, or just keep living this discomfort and sort of you know, on the hamster wheel of life, been on a journey the last I don't know, like a year or more of really designing your life. So paint us a picture of like what you've you know, talk about like living to prove, versus like a lot of people are living to prove life. And then the other option is really living to create life. And I think, especially now, I think that it's so easy to get focused on what we don't want. Now I think that it's so easy to get focused on what we don't want, and you're somebody, kara, who really saw what you did want, and when you can pivot your life, your thinking, your actions, your behaviors, how you show up to what you do want, like, tell us a little bit what you've created.
Speaker 2:I think create is such a great great aspect to this right, but it's also more about like elevate. I think, truly, when I look at it right now, I am seeking knowledge, like going into the new year I'm not sure if anyone listening has ever done the exercise where it's like you pick one word for the whole year and like you really use this one word to like you know experience or kind of be your identifier of like what you want to do. Maybe the word is like focus, maybe it's connect and like you do things based on that word. And I did that last year and my word last year was fearless and I feel like for me it was like again going back to like working with you or really just putting myself out there and like allowing myself to be courageous and try and do anything. And I think now, as I look at this upcoming year, there's like two kinds of words I keep going back and forth with. It's like purpose or vulnerability, and I think I am seeking knowledge so much right now where I want to meet so many different people and I want to get exposed to different ways of life, different thought processes, even with, you know, the election, this upcoming or this past. Obviously, this year it's been great to just hear so many different sides and opinions, and I think for me, it's opened my eyes. Like what are you know? What's the way I want to move forward? Like, based on everything I'm hearing or things I'm reading and things that I'm getting exposed to, like, how do I want to move forward? So, when you say the word create, I think that's where you have the time and the decision to make whatever moves you want to make.
Speaker 2:And for me, it's like, instead of making just really quick decisions and reactions, I feel like now I try to listen and be present or observe things around me, or try to meet new people so that I can be like, great, is this something I would enjoy? Like, is this something I want to create in my life? Like, even spiritually, um, like what is it that's like spiritual? Or we've kind of talked even about bringing religion back in my life, and I think those are areas where I almost feel like the canvas is blank right now. There are certain core characteristics that I have about myself, but I get to paint that, I get to put what colors I want on it, and a lot of that comes from people I surround myself with or things that I'm purposely exposing myself or experiencing. So that's kind of where I would just say I know I am single right now, so I know there's obviously people probably listening that have families and kids and obviously you can't just like up and move and just do certain things. There's definitely responsibilities there, but I really do feel like any position, any life situation you're in, you can have that blank canvas in front of you and you can make it what you want it to be, and that's something that honestly, like, really excites me. I'm living in a new city right now and this all started because I wanted to experience a city that was not somewhere I'd ever lived before, but that allowed me to again explore, meet new people and hopefully, like learn some things while being here. So that was kind of an exciting experience for me about creating Well, I love that.
Speaker 1:So one thing you talk about is you know that this idea that you know I call it the someday illusion right, that we have to wait to change, or we have to wait until the kids are grown or I've lost weight or I'm making more money, to really create change, and you bring up such a good point that you don't. That's a someday illusion and it just keeps putting our life off. And the truth is, what you said is that you can start to make little shifts right where you are, and I think so often the thing that's really in the way of us moving closer to what we want is just a lens or a way of thinking or some sort of mental barrier that we've boxed ourselves in, and when you start to pull that apart, you can create shifts right where you are. And so I would love, before we complete is where you are, and so I love, before we complete is what? Are there some tangible tools that have really helped you maintain this practice in your life of really living more intentionally, more present, more fully?
Speaker 2:I think one of them and I am not, if you can kind of share even a little bit about it to Carla is the circle tool. I think that is something that, from working with you, I have just carried on and truly at its core it's basically looking at any situation and breaking it down, and a lot of times we think negatively right away about something or we jump to a conclusion, and so that's a tangible exercise that I feel like. If I get worked up or if I'm uncertain or I'm worried about something, I'll always like break it down and say, okay, what are the true facts at its core, like what really happened. That's a tangible exercise that I've really enjoyed utilizing. And then also the sweeping like.
Speaker 2:That's another one that I know some people can look at it Like. This isn't just like brushing it off and never talking about it again, but for me, whether it's at work or in my personal life, like, like there is a situation, it's addressing it, it's it's making a commitment with the other person that's involved and saying, okay, this is how we're going to move forward, and then it is gone, it is addressed, it's handled. Those are two that I feel like I've utilized tangibly a lot. I'm not sure if you want to highlight or kind of dive into it a little bit from your side.
Speaker 1:Yeah, just so listeners can understand. So Circle Tool is really basically, like Kara said, when something happens in your life, somebody could just literally say one sentence and maybe it's got you upset and triggered. But the Circle Tool is really just separating the facts about what happened and the story that you're internally telling about it. And as humans, we're meaning making machines and we create a ton of drama in the story we tell. And so when you can separate the facts from the story you're telling yourself, you can see a situation much more clearly and then, instead of being reactionary, really show up more intentionally in a way that aligns with the outcome you really want.
Speaker 1:And then sweeping is just a practice of clearing, you know, little upsets, little things that you know are stewing in your mind. Rather than letting them stew, like Kara said, you know just getting in communication more quickly, addressing something more quickly and coming up with a new agreement, saying what's on your heart and mind, instead of, you know, silencing yourself. And really, like she said, it's not about sweeping it under the rug, but like really sweeping it, putting it in the dustpan and getting rid of it for good, and what that allows is to really cultivate aliveness in your life in an ongoing way, so that, because typically what happens is the dust will just the dust of those upsets, and things will build and build and build and our aliveness is impacted, our energy is impacted, we don't feel as great, and so by consistently having a practice of sweeping and clearing that stuff, you are actively maintaining and cultivating your own aliveness and joy, and you can do that ongoingly is what she's describing.
Speaker 2:So that's beautiful, awesome, anything else that you want to share that we didn't get to cover, anything else that you want to share that we didn't get to cover, I think biggest thing for anyone listening right now, at least, as I took on this journey right, everyone's story is different and everyone's path is different. I think that's what's really special. I truly think, though, it starts with taking a good look in the mirror and just saying is this what my life is going to look like and is this the life that I'm living? That makes me joyful and happy every day when I wake up, and I think, if you have any inkling or any second thought, that it's not like dive into that and write it down and explore it more. I know, carla, you taught me so much about journaling, and I would tell you that's such a great way to express that writing it down and dealing with it and like embrace it because it is really fun.
Speaker 2:It's so for, scary as the ride is, um, I I honestly like I feel like it's had such a big impact on my life and I'm extremely like grateful for having the opportunity to to work with you, carla, but even just see that there is so much more out there and that, like, as a human, we're capable of so much more. So I just do, I have to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I feel like you have truly had such an impact in a wonderful way, and a lot of times I'm like, what would Carla do as as my, as my kind of thought process, but I just I thank you a lot and for the listeners like this is, this is an enjoyable experience. So don't be afraid and start now and just identify, learn more about yourself and fall in love with who you are and what you want to be.
Speaker 1:I love that Be the buffalo right Like yes, the friction, it's not, it's not, it's just not as scary as it can feel in our head. Friction, it's not, it's not, it's just not as scary as it can feel in our head. Kara, it's. The feeling is mutual and it's been such a joy to kind of dive in and explore and get into your head a little bit about what your journey has been like and I know your story is going to touch somebody's life and so thank you so much for being willing to be here.
Speaker 2:Thank you. I very much appreciate it. So thank you so much.
Speaker 1:Thank you for tuning in to this episode of differently. It's been an honor to share this conversation with you. You know, one of the keys to living fully is to take action when you're inspired to do so. I hope you found that spark of inspiration today and would you help us spread the word. Did someone you know come to mind while you were listening? If this episode could impact someone you know, please share it and pass it along. New episodes drop weekly, so tap that subscribe button and join us next time as we continue to challenge the status quo and get equipped to live life differently.