Differently

Feelings Are Not Facts

• Carla Reeves

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SPEAKER_00:

A deep change in the way that we live requires a deep change in the way that we think. I'm Carla Reeves, and this is differently. Hey friend, if your thoughts are just spinning and feel like they will never stop, this episode is for you. Sometimes we just loop on the same thing again and again and again. Maybe it's a situation that we just can't stop thinking about, or it's a frustration, or something we need to forgive, or something we feel resentful about or overwhelmed about, or we're just thinking about all the things we need to do and that we're never going to catch up. And if you let this continue and spin on and on, suddenly it just feels like you're carrying the weight of the world and it it just dampens your spirit, you lose motivation, all the things. And it can happen so fast that you often aren't even aware of it until you feel like you're under a pile of boulders. So I had a client recently who came into uh private coaching with me just for three sessions, and she was feeling exactly that way stuck, stressed, resentful, confused about what direction to go, juggling a lot of things. Maybe you can relate. But what she discovered surprised her and honestly surprised me too. And in just three sessions, her circumstances didn't really change. Her living situation, the stress she felt on her job and in her work, they were still there. But what shifted was the way that she saw it. She learned to separate the facts from the story that she was telling herself. The facts in our life are usually fairly simple and neutral, but the story that we tell about the facts, that's where we stir all kinds of emotion, all kinds of past hurt, all kinds of drama and fear. And that's what was making everything feel so heavy. The more she practiced noticing and separating the facts from the story, the more she told me that her resentment started to fade, that things that used to take up her mental and emotional energy were no longer consuming her. And she felt lighter, clearer, and freer. And friend, this is what's possible when we do this work of managing our mind. Here's the thing: most of us are living inside of stories that we don't even know we're telling. Sometimes they're old stories that we picked up when we were a child. Sometimes fears we picked up when we were a child without realizing it. These stories are still coloring the way we see today. And I can't tell you how many times I'm working with a private client and they are operating in the environment they live in today as if they were eight or nine or ten years old, living in that environment that was uncomfortable or painful that they needed to survive back then. And we feel like we keep trying to change things in order to change that, but we're changing the wrong things. The things that have to change are on the inside, the perception, the storytelling, the way we think about things, the rules that we created because of what we've been through. But when we pause and separate those things, and in this case, when we separate the facts from the story, you create space, space to breathe, space to actually see things for what they are, space to choose and make a different choice so that you can have a new outcome, and space to stop carrying all the weight that you don't have to carry anymore. So I want to give you something that you can actually try today. I want you to think about what's that one thing for you that feels heavy right now? And when you have a moment, I want you to write it down. Just write down what it is, all the things that come to mind when you think about it. What is it? How does it feel? Just anything that comes to your mind. And then once you have that out, I want you to draw a circle about the size of your fist. And inside that circle, I want you to write, just label it, the facts. And that's where all those the facts about what's happening go. Just the the things that describe what's happening, not all the emotion, not all the drama, not all the storytelling, just the facts. Like it might just be I had a conversation with my husband the other night. We were in disagreement and it ended in a fight. Those could be the facts. The story is all the other things that are in your mind circling and spinning and creating drama and making you so emotional and mad and frustrated and make you want to lash out and do things that you later regret. That stuff, I want you to draw another circle around the facts, a bigger circle that gives you room to write in. Label that the story, and you're gonna write all the story around that, all the things you're thinking about your spouse, your the things that you're saying about yourself or your marriage, that it's so hard and it's just not gonna work, and all the things. And then I want you to notice, I want you to notice does most of the heaviness, does most of the drama, does most of the emotion live in the outside circle of your story? This little practice of separating the facts from the story allows you to stand back and actually look at what happened today. Because so often in life, these two circles just get collapsed. And it feels as if it's all happened and it's if it as if it's all true. But the truth is we are storytelling machines, and often we are lumping our pain from our past, our hurts, our past experiences all on what's happening today, when actually it may have little or no relevance. This circle tool helps you to stand back and take your power back so that you can start shifting your response and approach ever so slightly to change your results. So, friend, if you've been living in this world, stuck in the thoughts that feel so scattered or heavy or never-ending, know that you have this tool in your back pocket and you don't have to stay there. This tool alone is literally a game changer for my clients because it helps you calm your mind, organize what's actually happening, and gives you space to make a new choice. This is the heart of the work I do with clients. It's not about fixing everything around you, it's about untangling your thoughts so you can see clearly, so you can feel lighter, and so that you can move forward with freedom. If this resonates with you, join my free monthly class where we're gonna use writing as a tool to quiet the noise and create space for clarity, and you'll get an experience of doing that. And if you're ready for deeper support, let's talk about coaching. I'd love to help you untangle what's weighing you down on the regular so that you can be free and literally stop surviving your life and start creating it. Okay, friend, feelings are not always facts. This is something that I have to remind myself on the regular, and you don't have to keep living in that old story. And this circle tool can change it all for you. Remember, it's all invented. We have say, tell better stories, it will change your life. Thanks for tuning in today. Go leave a five-star review if you haven't already. I would appreciate that so much. You can do that on Apple Podcasts and leave a comment as well. Those make my day. Thank you for being here. I'll see you next week. Thank you for tuning in to this episode of Differently. Hey, if you're ready to stop circling the same thoughts and start creating real momentum, check out my coaching experiences. There's a 12-week experience for a big shift, or there's a monthly writing and coaching partnership for ongoing clarity, creativity, alignment, and momentum. You can find all the details at carlareeves.com. And if you enjoyed this episode, please help me grow the podcast and leave a five-star review on Apple Podcasts and share with someone you love. Until next time, stop surviving your life. Start creating it.