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Choosing Freedom in the Face of Fear with Bob Parsons (Encore Episode)

• Carla Reeves

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What if you chose freedom in the face of fear?

Bob Parsons has three decades of experience coaching senior leaders and executives overcome limiting beliefs while leveraging their gifts and leading them to greater levels of performance.

It was a season in his life where he found himself at a choice point of staying with what he knew or leaping into what set his heart on fire and he hired me to help him through this transition.

Listen for Bob's story of overcoming 'survival mode' and choosing bravery in the face of fear and the impact that has had not just in his working life, but in his personal relationships, marriage and financial life too.

Bob shares so many gems about intentional living, powerful communication and reminds us that coaching tools can be applied in all areas of our life to set us free and move us closer to the life we are here to live.

Are you ready to set yourself free?

Enjoy!

Learn more about Bob:

Website:   https://www.parsonscoachingllc.com/

Connect on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/bobparsons/

Learn more about Carla:
Website: https:/www.carlareeves.com/
Connect on LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/reevescarla/
Connect on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@differentlythepodcast

Go to https://carlareeves.com/free-class to get The Class schedule, sign up, and/or pass it on to a friend. Come hang out and learn with us for FREE!

Book a Complimentary Strategy Call with Carla: https://bookme.name/carlareeves/strategycall

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Thank you for listening!

SPEAKER_03:

A deep change in the way that we live requires a deep change in the way that we think. I'm Carla Reeves, and this is Differently. Welcome back to Differently. Today's episode is a client spotlight. I want you to meet my client Bob Parsons. One of my favorite parts of my job is having this unique window into people's lives. I felt the important theme of our conversation today and Bob's journey in coaching was choosing freedom in the face of fear. I think you will hear that again and again in Bob's stories. This guy has impacted my life in a very short period of time. His heart for God, his heart for his wife and family, his heart to serve, and his pursuit to do whatever it takes to show up and bring all he has to the moment at hand can't help but leave you touched and inspired. Get ready, we're going to cover a lot of ground from being at a crossroads and afraid to doing the hard thing again and again. Intentional marriage and parenting, getting free of his own self-imposed limitations to experience true freedom and more. Be on the lookout for all the little nuggets of wisdom he makes sure to share with you. You might grab a tissue. This one gets real. I have a special guest today. And if you've been um following the podcast for a while, you can go back. I occasionally do a client spotlight so that you can get a kind of a glimpse behind the mystery of coaching and what actually happens in coaching. And I today I have it's really an honor. Um I get to share Bob Parsons with you. And so, Bob, welcome to differently.

SPEAKER_00:

Hey, thanks so much for having me. This is a great privilege.

SPEAKER_03:

Likewise. So share with the listeners a little bit about where you are in the world and what season of life you find yourself in. Just paint a picture for us.

SPEAKER_00:

That's a dangerous question to Bob Parsons. My wife would say never give him the microphone wide open. Um so I'm gonna do my best. So I have been in this field of talent development, learning development, um, coaching since cow, can I I remember when I first started in corporate uh in HR and training, and I just got super curious, and I was asked by my boss to design a leadership development program, and I had never done it. And my boss said, I know you've never done it, but I think you can do it. I went, Okay, well, that's kind of a cool mindset. So I I bought a book, I I read, What's the best way to put together a training development program? So I read it, I followed it was by by uh Bob Pike. He wrote this back uh in the it has to be in the late 80s, of just a neat guy, and he really helped me. I mean, he nailed it for me, and it was a super easy practical book. But what was cool is I was doing an assessment and I was gathering the data, and I figured out well, there need there was a need for core components for this journey. So there was this thing called uh uh what was it called? Um counseling for performance. And and when I read the the behaviors and what people needed, it sounded like what people had been telling me was a coaching uh type of a solution. So I went on the hunt, I audited six different deals, and I found this one. And I'm can I give them kudos? Is that okay? Can I give them a yeah, of course? Okay, inside out development. Um, they got me started on my coaching journey. And at the time I was kind of a pseudo-HR slash talent slash uh production trainer, and I knew I was missing something. I was great 50% of the time, and the other 50% of the time I was a total idiot because I I really was kind of winging it. I I knew I was missing something, but I couldn't pinpoint it until I went to this coaching uh workshop, and it was. I had no structure, no intention, no purpose, no uh purpose to my conversations. I wasn't very planful, I was doing it by the seat of my pants, I was running out of ideas, and when I found these tools, it was like the heavens opened up, and I this was it, this was the ticket. So that's what kind of got me started on the coaching journey. So I quit for a couple years, I went on my own, and that's when I got my LLC. And then I wanted to get coach training, and so I worked part-time for a colleague friend of mine, he was my professor, and uh so then once I I started that ball rolling, I got went back into corporate as an OD manager, and they and my I'll never forget Diane, my boss. She said, Bob, I want to bring you in for your OD skills, but I want you to introduce coaching to to the organization, and I want you to coach as if you were being paid by each individual. I will make sure you get clients and customers, you just treat them like a paid customer, and that's right I started my journey in terms of this whole coaching deal. I logged over 950 hours there. I got to work with managers and then senior directors and then senior executives, and then I got to work with the executive team, and I got to do coaching to our high potential teams and there and the individuals and the people in the Thompson School of Executive Leadership top 35. I mean, just all these doors opened up. Wow. And then um, yeah, it's just crazy. And then that kind of one thing led to another. I left Thompson, I went to a small executive coaching firm for about six and a half years and helped develop their executive coaching practice and still was coaching and helping out in that arena. Then I thought, well, I really miss corporate, and I I was I was ready for a next challenge, and so I went back into corporate with um a large tire manufacturer, and I got a lot of great experience, but I knew something was off for me. And so one thing led to I was doing coaching, I was coaching high potentials, I was helping with leadership development, but something was missing. So I hired a coach, and I hired one coach who really kind of helped me with my uh kind of my career piece, right? And then that's about as far as she could take me, and then I hired you, which really helped me take the big leap and deal with my mind traffic around because I was wrestling with do I go back into corporate after 30 some years, deal with the same old stuff, or do I create more freedom in my life, but I had a lot of fear, and so that's how we got connected. Well, how we got connected is a different story, but that is.

SPEAKER_03:

Um, so before we talk about our journey together, I also want you to just touch on your personal life because I know you have a personal life that and a marriage that lights you up and is a huge part of your world. So just briefly fill in that color.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay. Alright, so uh listeners, just if I start crying, that's just who I am. I'm just very passionate about family. And I got married. Um, I met the woman of my dreams um in a show. I was doing, I was in theater, I was in a show, and um her roommate told me, Hey, you gotta meet this girl. I know you guys will be perfect for each other. So I I saw her come down after the show, and I said, I'm gonna marry her. And I went, I had three friends who were in the barbershop quartet, and I went over to them because they were in the show with me, and I said, Look, you guys, do me a favor. I just met the girl I'm gonna marry. I just two songs. That's all I asked. Just let's do two songs. And so we did Jonah and the whale and Coney Island Baby, and that's how I wooed her. She thought I was weird, but she also thought I was cute and fun.

SPEAKER_03:

That is so awesome. I didn't know that story.

SPEAKER_00:

Yep, yeah, that's one of my faves. And then, so we we dated three years, and then we got married, and we said at the beginning, we we want to be intentional parents. And a lot of us, you know, growing up, we all would say, you know, our parents did this great, but our parents didn't do that great. But you know, my parents were actually did a great job for how they were enabled, how they were taught, and what they had surrounding them, they actually did a pretty good job. But I wanted to be more intentional. I wanted to be a more intentional and I was a believer, but I was I was kind of a not an all-body and believer, you know, Christian and Jesus, believe in Jesus. I was kind of walking, I was walking, but I wasn't, um, I was talking, but I wasn't doing the walking. And so when I met Pam, she was the first one who just really called me out on my behavior and my my hypocrisy. And and so that Lord used her to get me straight. And then we both said, we're gonna do this journey, and we're gonna do it. We don't have any mentors, both of our parents were divorced after 25 years. We had nobody really kind of to tell us how to do this, raising kids and everything. So we started reading books. I started going to conferences, I'd I'd learn something, I'd come home, I'd try it, and then after I tried at home, I'd try it at work, and then I figured out, man, if it works at home, I know it's gonna work at work because we're all just babies and big bodies, right? And some of us are just more mature than others. So that was a journey for Pam and I. We we have just always been learners, and I've been same in my business world. I mean, when I I'm in a job, if I'm in a job longer than two and a half years, I just get the itchy trigger finger. If my job hasn't changed or been molded to be about 30% different or challenging to me, um, then I I start to lose engagement. And so I'm always reading, I'm always going to conferences, and that's where we started to infuse a coach approach to being married and raising a family. And I like I took my kids on dates and I'd ask them questions because I had no clue how to be a dad, and I wanted to take them out and make them feel special. And the only way I knew that was well, wait a minute, there's this cool question book. Oh, they talked about this on Focus on the Family. Oh, I have a script I can follow, right? I'm in theater, so I have I have a guide, and it was amazing what I heard from my kids when I just asked a question and shut up. And I thought, wait a minute, this is coaching principles. And then my wife, I mean, we've been more we're gonna be married 41 years this weekend.

SPEAKER_03:

Wow, happy anniversary.

SPEAKER_00:

Well, I'm gonna say that the coach principles have a lot to do with it because I learned how to listen better. I'm not perfect, I'm still screw up, but I am way better, a better listener to my wife, than I was when I first got married. And all you guys listening to this know this is that um when your wife gives you a problem, what what do you want to do? You wanna, and I'll fill in the blank, you wanna fix it. You're a doer, you're a fixer. So I wanted to fix it all the time. And she would say to me, Again, guys, fill in the blank. I don't want to be fixed. I just want you to listen. You know what they do, Carla? Exactly. Exactly. So I said, okay. So then I learned to ask the question. I said, okay, wait a minute. I don't know when that is, I can't find that. So I would say to her, Okay, do you want me to listen? Or do you want some ideas for how to fix that? And of course, when she said, I said, look, if you say listen, I'm all in. I'm a focused male, I'll take out the listing box, I'll put it on the desk, and I am totally focused on you. So then one day we started game changer, game changer. I hear things that my wife says, I'm paying attention to body language, just like I would with clients. I could hear things that weren't being said, but I could hear main messages. And then my wife and I got married and uh interested in marriage ministry because we had such a passion for couples who are struggling, couples who just wanted help. It's just like a leader. Leaders just want help, they want a safe place to unwind and open up their brain and get it on the table without somebody judging them or grabbing something and running with it that they never intended for them to do. And it's the same with marriage. Marriage is just trying to figure out how do we talk to each other, how do we treat each other, how do we meet each other's needs and biblically based, right? If you look at coaching and marriage, it's all biblically based. It's all the same. Jesus asked Grace questions and he listened and he paid attention and he was in the moment. And so we got into that, and then the beauty, now we've been doing this for almost 18 years, we've infused our uh our marriage mentoring with coaching. And we've seen it's a lot less stress for us, it's a lot more fun, and we've seen marriages transform in amazing ways.

SPEAKER_03:

So awesome. I and and just to Is that what you're looking for? Is that what you're well? Yeah, I just wanted people to get a sense. Like you were so passionate about these other parts of your life, and like you can also hear that a lot of your life is working really well. And I think even with coaching, sometimes we think like things have to be falling apart to work with a coach. And a lot of times it's uh an incredible place when you have a lot of things working and you want to just expand or broaden that or to you know bring it into a new area of your life. Um, anyway, so I wanted that, but also I want to just give the listeners like a um like to let them know that you're gonna come back and we're gonna talk about marriage and parenting could be a fun one too, because you're right. The things that's one of my favorite things about coaching is that we might be coaching around a business concept, but those concepts you can take into your marriage, into your parenting, into your everyday interactions and apply them and they can start to ripple all over your life. I I love that. So, okay, so back to yes, we met in kind of an interesting way, and just I mean, I I don't think I don't even know if you were really seeking a coach. We just happened to be on the same call and you thought I uh we should connect and we did. And then I I thought I was just answering your questions about really being a coach and an entrepreneur and having my own coaching business. And then at the end of that call, you asked me to be your coach, and I was stunned. I had no idea that was coming.

SPEAKER_00:

That's how that's how God works, right? Isn't that how amazing?

SPEAKER_03:

Yes.

SPEAKER_00:

I mean, uh by the way, I want to give your listeners some really cool practical tools while we're talking, right? So I want them to be able to walk away from this podcast and say, wow, I could I can actually do that tomorrow. So, guys, I'm giving you that one tool. If you're wrestling with your trying to fix your wife, number one, she's it's not your job to fix her, okay? Let God do that. Number two, just this simple question, okay. Do you want me to listen? Or would you like me to share some ideas for how to fix that? And then when she gives you the answer, you go do because that's what you're great at.

SPEAKER_03:

100%. What tip number one for tool number one, yes. So, Bob, give people a sense of where you were when you and I started working together and what like really what you were seeking to get out of coaching.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, oh wow. Um, I think I you and I were on a uh like a webinar, and I thought I heard you ask a really great question. I went, now, the only person who could ask a question like that would be a great, well-trained coach. So I said, I need to get connected with her because I was on this journey, Carla, that I had figured out it was gonna go on my own, but I had I was I was had a lot of fear, and so I was my my job was to interview at least 40 people on my network who are in a similar role that you are on their own, they've been doing this for a while, and just asking. I bought a lot of coffee. By the way, here's another tip number two people love free stuff. So if you're trying to get somewhere and you know, figure out who I can interview, who can I ask who's been on this journey before to just get their wisdom? And so I I mapped out like 12 questions. And if your listeners are interested in this, I can I'm happy to share that. But I had 12 questions because I wanted to know from them hey, how did you get started? Tell me about your journey. Um, what what tools are you using? How are you pricing your service and your product? Um, what else did I ask? I asked, like, what's your biggest challenge and what is getting in the way of you being even more successful? And what does success look like for you? And I just bought them free coffee. If there was a virtual call, I'd send them a Starbucks card. If it was, you know, obviously if it was person to person, which I love, I would just buy them coffee and they just loved it. They said, Oh my gosh, free cup of coffee, I'm all in. So great. So that's how I got connected with you. And I just my intent was just to interview you and ask about your business. And I think if correct, okay, again, I have a great memory, it's just short, but um, if you remember something different, please fill in the blank. But I think I remember I remember getting off the call thinking I need a coach. I didn't want to pay for a coach, I couldn't afford a coach right then, but I need a coach. And so, you know, after you and I connected a few times, I think I did ask you, you know, pretty quickly, right? Hey, would you be interested in being my coach? Because I think you had this unique approach. I I in my soul I could sense this strong, courageous, gentle spirit. That's the best way I can describe you is this strong, courageous who wasn't afraid to ask the hard questions, but you did it in what I would call a coach approach, which is a loving way. And so that's um that's how you and I got connected. And then yeah, I was just that's been a game changer ever since I I I hired you.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, I'm so glad our paths have crossed. And yes, I think it was on that side, it was after that second call that we had, and he you were, you were so prepared. You had so many questions, and then at the end, you kind of mentioned like you were something about coaching, and I I was so surprised and and delighted. It's been an incredible journey. I um so you were you were you I'm trying to remember, you had already left you left corporate, you were on your own as a coach, and you were just like fearful and a little trepidatious about what to do next and where to go and what to focus on and all of that.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and I just hired a yeah, I had I'm sorry, I had hired a career coach, and what she helped me understand was yes. I mean, I was not going down the path of being on my own. I just said I'm not going on my own. I said it for a long time. I've been there, done that. I don't want the headaches, I didn't want the marketing, I didn't want the selling, any of that. And then God whacked me in the side of the head, and he said, and I heard this very clearly when are you gonna stop trusting the man and start trusting the man? And that was the start of the end of my crutch on myself and putting it out there, and I think I remember, yeah, I came to you, then I said, I made the decision, I was going on my own, but I needed to figure it out, and I couldn't do it by myself. I had too much mind traffic. I'll call it mind traffic.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, so we dove right into your thinking, right? Which is the first place um we go because anytime you want to make a a deep change in your life, you've got to examine your thinking because it really is the foundation. And so would you be willing to share some of the barriers that or um components of your survival? Model that we discovered that were that we're getting in your way.

SPEAKER_00:

Okay, here we go. For those of you who have this, or have these, these. Number one was my survival was money. I I always said my biggest fear was getting laid off again. My first coach said to me, Bob, wait a minute, you've been laid off three. This is your third time. You have kind of gone through a very similar experience with regards to the transformation of the organization, going centralized, decentralized, and new new bosses, and new focus and changing priorities. And she said, So you so you want to go back to that again? And I said, I wanted to say yes. But I I couldn't. I just I knew God was saying you, I'm gonna release your grips. I'm gonna help you release your grips. You haven't released them. You know, it's it's it's like you stay with something just because it's comfortable because it's so hard to change. And sometimes God's gonna kick you in the rear end literally and whack you aside the head to say, All right, I tried to warn you, I tried to tell you, now we're gonna do it my way. And that's the um that was the one thing. Like every morning I get up, I pay my bills. Every morning, you and I talked about this. I'd go do my checking account before I do my quiet time, and then I was rushing my quiet time, and I'm going, no, I don't, I don't want this. So that was that was one of my survival modes, and I think the other one was control, some type of a like a control of over planning. I think is that does that sound right? I mean, if I could word it right.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, I think there was an overing because there was this idea that maybe I'm not gonna measure up or it's I'm not gonna make it, right? So when we have a doubt, sometimes we over over-prepare, over-give, over-deliver.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah. I would, yeah, I think I I re kept your little book, by the way.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh uh, I'm glad. It's a book of coaching reminders that he's showing in video, but you can't see. Um, well, I want to go back to the moment you just landed on because I so appreciate you uh being so honest about that. And I think that like when I saw your emotion or felt your emotion, I feel my own emotion. And I think people listening can feel that. It's like that moment that you it's that choice point of like, do I stay safe and shrink and do what I've always done, which feels safe and comfortable, or do I stretch and do this scary thing without knowing what's gonna happen? And I I think that every time I take that leap, there's something amazing that I didn't expect on the other side, but it it does require a lot of courage.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, you wrote this really well. I you put this in words that I I couldn't. I had never heard of survival mode before, by the way, until I had met you. And I'm survival mode, what is that? Like, and I just got this image of my nose just above the water, constantly above the water. And that's no fun to try and stay alive with your nose just above the water because you're still taking in water and you're flailing like crazy. But you said here, without consciously realizing it, you designed a way to navigate your world world in order to survive what was happening around you. It shaped your behaviors and how you showed up in the world. You decided that certain things were so and labeled them as truth. Yeah, yep. This model became the default for how you move through life. When living in this model, you feel like you are surviving with a constant pull to do more, be better, prove, and overcome something from the past. That was you nailed it on the survival mode. And that that came out after some discussions that you and I had that I again didn't know what that was, but once you verbalized that and helped draw it out of me, uh was like super clear around, oh my gosh, I'm trying to control my environment so that so that I don't get laid off, so that my kids will be great, so that my marriage will be awesome. I I it was a control, kind of a control freaky issue.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah. It's you know, it's for most people, you know, and for people listening, you can start to look like for most people, we are living to prove or overcome or survive something. And why I love this work so much is that there's a way to live to build something or to create something, and that's really aligned with who you are in your soul. And when you can get free of that old model, you can start to live to create and live to build and live to align with what it is you're here to do. And it just removes all that resistance, it removes a ton of stress and pressure and load. And I think I saw you lighten yourself up, and then you could start to lean into who you naturally are.

SPEAKER_00:

When I realized that and I let go, I let I literally let go. And I said, Okay, Lord, I've told you this, I've shared this with you. Here's my two fish and my five loaves. I am not the miracle worker, you are, and if you can get me business, you will be the miracle worker.

SPEAKER_03:

So share with people who may not be familiar with the biblical reference there what that means.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, so in the Bible, Jesus, you know, the feeding of the 5,000, right? And so in one of the instances, he did it twice. And one of the instances he said, Hey, tell me what you have. You know, there were 5,000 plus people there. Actually, they were just counting the men. So if you think about the women and the children, there were probably more like, you know, 10,000 being fed. And they had gathered up what was in the crowd, and it was two fish and five loaves, and they're all looking, Jesus, you're nuts. I don't know what we're gonna do here because we don't we got to send these people home. And Jesus said, You go feed them, right? So he sent them out into the crowd, and there were 12 baskets full left over. The Lord provided. They were faithful, they had to go out and go there going, uh, okay, who's gonna take this fish? Who's gonna take that fish? I'll be each of us get you know a half a loaf or whatever, and they had to go out and be faithful and actually go do. They had to take action of faith, thinking, all right, he's gonna do something, I guess. And and then they saw this overpouring of blessing to people who were also in need. So not only did he strengthen the faith of the his disciples, he was showing up in a mighty way to people in a crowd, 10,000 people who had a need. And it wasn't the disciples, it was the Lord. The Lord did the work. I went through Stephen ministry training, and I'll never forget one of the things that really resonated with me was they said to us, You are not the caregiver. You are the caregiver. You're not the caregiver. Let the Lord do that. The Lord, let the Lord do the work. You don't have to carry that burden, but you walk along with them. That's kind of what coaching is. You're walking along with another person on their journey, listening, helping them process, helping them think through, think through, and in a safe, non-judgmental, loving. I'm gonna use the word love here because you don't hear that very often in corporate. A loving way to help people move forward.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, it's amazing what happens when you feel seen, heard, and deeply listened to, right?

SPEAKER_00:

So that's my two fish and five love story.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, so you apply that in the sense of like, I'm gonna bring what I can bring to the table and trust that God's gonna work through me to do the rest, and that takes, I imagine, a whole bunch of pressure off.

SPEAKER_00:

My wife said, after you and I started meeting, and I started to get into the the new, right? You and I talked about the new.

SPEAKER_02:

Being like a new mod.

SPEAKER_00:

I have my bob. My my wife said to me, I have my bob back.

SPEAKER_03:

Uh Wow. You hadn't told me that. So good. It's crazy what the mind. Yeah, go ahead.

SPEAKER_00:

That was a powerful statement because I realized how long I had felt like I was trapped in my own prison. It wasn't anybody that did anything to me. And I knew that I had put these truths, and this survival model was my prison. And I felt like I had just been given the key for me to walk out of that cell. Yeah, you know, but I didn't take it for so long. And so now I just I was sleeping better. I was I was living, I was spending more intentional time with my wife. I had I was working half the hours. Now, again, if you're working 60 hours, I was working 30. I was up at 6 a.m. I was working until 10 o'clock sometimes. I was I was a global support person, so I was working with you know 42 countries, and also when I took a vacation, I could never relax. I was always thinking about, oh my gosh, I'm gonna have 100 emails or 150 emails. So I was doing emails on vacation, and my wife hated that. And so now I said, you help me, you help me get back to my foundation, which was I had always believed that God first, my wife, and my kids, and family, and then my work. That's the party. But I was living out of whack with what I believed was important to me. I was making and living in a way that made my job more important than anything else, and it was taking over. So I I felt like I gotta get out of free, get out of jail free card.

SPEAKER_03:

I love that. Well, and when you're living out of whack with your values and your nature and your, you know, there's a huge impact of stress and sometimes physical, you know, disease or illness when we're living out of alignment with that. And the thing about this is is that we as humans are so much closer to what we want, like it can feel so far away, but like you sharing your story, you can see that you know, getting this realizing that you've been living in this lie, you've been telling yourself this little prison, and we all do it. And you had you had the key, you just didn't know you had the key. And stepping out, something brand new becomes possible in all in all areas of your life. And it's just been an incredible joy to watch you step out. And so let's talk about some of the as your thinking started to change, how did that start to change the way you were showing up in these parts of your life? Okay.

SPEAKER_00:

So on this journey of interviewing all these people, right? And listening to podcasts, um, I just dove into while I had some really great relationships that had asked me, said, said, Hey Bob, if you're going on your own, we we can provide some work for you. And I had uh two companies say that to me. I said, Okay, well, that can kind of be my way to stay in the field. I love the work, I love this work, the talent field, the assessment work, the coaching work, the workshop, doing workshops was a blast, and then coaching individuals and groups and on one-on-one. But then I went, I was trying to figure out okay, how do I start this engine, right? How do I keep the engine going? And so I heard a couple of things early on. Number one, I had a mantra that I have been using for many, many years. It was no one ever drifted into excellence, and that's been my mantra since I can remember. I've never verbalized that way that way until about the maybe the last six or seven years. But what does that mean? I think you guys know. Life is meant to be lived fully, and unless you are intentional about living that life, you're just gonna live a mediocre life. You're not you're gonna miss things, you're gonna things will be right in front of you, and you will miss it because you're not living with purpose and intention. So that's here's tool number two.

SPEAKER_03:

What's that? Time number three.

SPEAKER_00:

Ask yourself here, okay. Now here's here's number three. What is your purpose? Why are you here? I want you to wrestle with that question. I want you to hire a coach and wrestle with that question for a little bit, because until you answer that question clearly, you are just gonna be a boat in a harbor or a boat in a storm with no anchor, just getting tossed to and fro, to and fro. Right?

SPEAKER_03:

And so I want to ask you something about that really quick. So, this question trips people up a lot, this idea of purpose. And I think sometimes it can it can send people flailing because they feel like their purpose needs to be like something huge, like solving world hunger. And if they're not doing that, it doesn't matter. And so I want to hear what you say about that.

SPEAKER_00:

My per my purpose is to help other leaders, friends, colleagues, family, friends live more intentionally. I I want people, instead of just running by the seat of your pants or or reacting from an emotional state. What if you just had a three minutes of reflection time around? Okay, wait a minute. I'm coming up on this conversation. What do I want to make sure I don't say? What I want to make sure I say, how much am I talking? I probably need to shut up and listen more, right? So there's all these little things that are intentional. You build these into your life so that it becomes natural. Um, intentional parenting. I didn't want to intend, I didn't want to parent by the seat of my pants. Everybody says to me, Bob, there's no book on parenting. Well, actually, there are pretty some pretty good books out there on parenting. And one of the best ones I ever read was Key to Your Child's Heart by Gary Smalley. Way back, I think this is I heard this book on Focus on the Family. And Gary Smalley, and by the way, James Dobson, whether you like him or not, I I don't care. He was a mentor to me. He was not here, he didn't live here, he lived in Colorado, but I listened to him diligently because that man was a was a strong believer, he was in the word, and he was spot on with regards to how the Bible is your best book for parenting and marriage. I'm sorry, I've read all the books. There's a lot of great stuff in a lot of great books, but it's not some of it's not that great. But when you read the Bible about parenting and marriage and relationship, that's what it's the whole thing's about. And and it's consistent from the Old Testament to the New Testament. And uh anybody who says, Well, Bob, how could that that Bible, here's another little tool for you? Okay, here's my 60-second spiel. 66 books written over 2,000 years, written in three different languages on three different continents by over 40 different people from different walks of life. You had priests and cupbearers and shepherds and farmers and uh warriors and generals. And yet, if you read it, if you really open your mind and read the front end of the back end, from Genesis to Revelation, what does Genesis do? Genesis is a love story. Revelation is the movement towards that um restoration of the love story. And if you read that front to cover, it's a consistent theme. Jesus is the only perfect person, right? But people want to they have a mindset or they have a bias, or they oh, I've read bits and pieces of it. It doesn't make sense. Well, you can't read bits and pieces, you can't read and pick and choose what you want to believe. It either is or it isn't true. So, um, I don't know. I yeah, I got off, maybe I got off on that a little bit.

SPEAKER_03:

You got excited, it's all good.

SPEAKER_00:

I did, I'm sorry.

SPEAKER_03:

No, don't be sorry, it's good. There's so much incredible wisdom in the Bible, and in most of the books that you read, the gems that you find, they the source was originally in the Bible. It's so true.

SPEAKER_00:

Yeah, and so and that's what Gary Small, that's where I was going. The key to your child's heart. What I read in that book was this analogy of a see an enemy. And it was about how do I like if I tick off my kid or I yell or I scream, how do you reconcile? Because what happens is over time, and this is what we've discovered with couples who are married and have kids, and we did this too, is that we would yell at our kids, we'd do something wrong, we offend our kids, but we have too much pride and ego to say we're sorry. And even then we say you're sorry, but we don't go to the next step. The next step in defeating and overcoming the ego and pride is asking for forgiveness. Not just saying you're sorry, here's tool number whatever you can call it, whatever. When you wrong somebody and you know you wrong them, how does a see that see an enemy when it feels danger, when it feels unsafe, when it feels threatened, it closes up tight. It will not open up again until it feels safe. And I'll never forget my son who's six years old, and I yelled at him. I yelled. And look, I can yell, I'm a theater major, okay? And I yelled, and he just curled up into a ball and ran to his room and started crying. And my wife looked at me and she gave me that look that all husbands hate. I I hate that look. Stop it. So it's the look of um, you screwed up. How are you gonna fix this thing? And so I had read in the book, how do I do this, Lord? How do I how did how do the what is the Lord asking of me? He's asking for me to get on my knees, ask for forgiveness, say I'm sorry, and repent, and say, I'm gonna be different. So I went into the room, you know, I was I was really stubborn, and he's six years old, and he's curled up in a corner in the under his bank bunk bed, and I said, Aaron, Dad screwed up. He's facing the wall, okay? He's facing the wall. I said, I said, Dad screwed up. I shouldn't have yelled at you, that was wrong. I am so sorry. And I said, he didn't do anything until I said, Will you forgive me? Immediately he turned around and gave me a big hug. He said, I love you, Dad. I love you, Dad. That's how that's the whole key there is what can I do to make sure my kids and my wife feel safe? This is in work today in this world, we feel less safe than ever. And who do you have in your life who makes you feel safe that you can say anything to, and you know it's not gonna go anywhere, they're not gonna judge you, but they're gonna really love you. And they're gonna love you unconditionally. I'll never forget one of the coaches, one of the coaches that I worked with way, way back said to me, in my coach training, frankly, said to me, Bob, you can you can say anything to anybody if you do it from a heart and an attitude that you really care and you love that person. And I went, Wow! Because there's some people that are really hard to love. But your words, your body is all gonna follow where your heart and your attitude are. Doesn't matter if you didn't say anything, you we can still see that you don't like me. Right?

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, yeah. Well, and in the the conflict, um, you know, conflict is gonna happen, but one Of the most important things is what happens after that, and that's what you just described.

SPEAKER_00:

So we made it. We said from now on, being sorry is not enough. When you're ready, you know, if you wronged your brother, you wronged your sister, you wronged your mother, when you're ready, and it's we're we're not gonna get anywhere until you have said and looked them in the eye and said, I am really sorry. I I did you wrong, I pushed you off the deck, and will you forgive me? That was one of my sons he did that to his sister, yeah.

SPEAKER_03:

So good. So coming back to um our journey, are there any like key pieces that stand up for you that would give people uh a snapshot of you know what actually happened? And yeah, yes.

SPEAKER_00:

So so the first one was no one drifted into excellence. That was really even Pam and I will say, um, when you're married, are you living intentionally? Are you living on purpose? Do you know what's important to you? And I need you to, I would say, encourage you to figure that out. I did that way back in 1987 as I went through a workshop that helped me design my mission and my vision. I pulled that out, I still have it, and it listed all the things that I wanted to do. And I read this back to my wife. I said, What do you think? She goes, You live that. That is you. And I like a list of 27 things that this isn't like a three, this isn't a two-week or three-month fix, folks. We're not talking about a fix, we're talking about major surgery. If anybody knows about major surgery, I do. I had quadruple heart bypass um uh five years ago, and I know what that involves. It's it's a total change on the inside, right? So the second thing was I heard this podcast, and it was um Tim Schurer, I think, and he had worked for Donald Miller, and John A. Kef was interviewing him. And here's what stood out to me here. He said, Bob, and he didn't say Bob, but I heard Bob, right? I heard Bob when he was talking on the podcast. What if success was all about helping the other person win? I stopped that podcast, and I I just paused. I was like, it was like you ever had a moment where the Lord just fires an arrow through your soul and you feel it everywhere? That's what happened to me. And that I said, you know what? That's what I need to do. I don't want to sell anybody, I don't want to market to anybody, I want to help other people win. So, for example, when I did these interviews, I would ask it at the end, I said, Look, I want to help you. I want to help you win. What can I do for you? What kind of client are you looking for? What do you need to be successful? Not it in my brain. And I can tell you many times I've referred people to other people because I'm not the right person for you. Because I knew that was a need, and that's how they wanted to win. Um, I'll give you the most recent example here. I am in an association here, a townhome association. I don't know if you know this story. And uh we had an incident where one of the owners in our association over a year had gotten to such a heightened estate over something very silly in the association that they were both willing to go to court. That means the association would be spending association money to go to court, and that uh the the homeowner would be spending you know a certain amount of money having to go to court. And I'm like, this we we shouldn't be here. So I talked to the homeowner and even the associate, I said, how good I want to help, I want to help you guys win. And so they both invited me to arbitrate a meeting on a Sunday afternoon, and they set aside, oh Bob, I don't know, I don't know if this is gonna be enough time. We got an hour and a half, but I just said we'll be okay. Just trust me. We'll see what happens. I said, I'm gonna be so I brought my flip charts. I brought my flip charts with me, and I said, Hey, when you're both here, I said, you know, you had the two association people sitting on the one side, they're both very, very amazing people, they both are very, very cool. And and the owner is a very cool person. And I said, I want to help you find a win-win, and I'm gonna use some structure and a process to help you think through this. I just took a coach approach to the conversation. Started writing down, I gave them all a chance to kind of share what their perspectives were. I got that, I summarized it on a piece of on a big flip chart paper, and I got it all synthesized, and then we brainstormed. And within an hour and 15 minutes, we came to an agreement. An hour and 15 minutes we came to an agreement they were both happy with. And I got them to specific date stamp. Uh it wasn't date stamped right away, it was stamped that within a week they would have this agreement and they would both sign it. And they did five major, they did follow through. They did follow through. So, no more money spent, legal fees, plus we have to live with each other. I mean, you go to court with somebody in your neighborhood who's only it's only like a it's a small association, you're living like three houses from the people you just sued. How's that gonna go for you for the rest of your life? Not gonna be fun. So that was the second thing I'd say was the big, the big hit. And then the third thing you and I discussed, I would say was another big arrow through the soul, which was you said, Bob, what if you made room for the new? What if you and we talked about the wineskin because I had just heard a sermon or something, and it was resonating. This is how God shows up, right? You would say something and it would resonate, or I would say something that would resonate with something that we heard on a in a sermon or we read in the scripture or we had in our quiet time. Um and it just resonated with what if uh what if you made room for the new? How how is it working that if you're doing the same old thing, trying to do something different? And it wasn't. I was trying to take new wine and put it into old wineskins. That's another biblical principle. You can look that up. Is that no new wine has to go in a new wineskin because what happens with the skin is it stretches, and so when you put the new wine in, it will break and and tear and leak. That's why every you know back then had to go in a new wineskin. And so that was a okay. I need to do some things differently. I need to step out and take some risks, I need to do some more homework. Um, I need to figure out my focus and my niche and who my audience is. So that was that was uh you helped me, you helped me with that to unlock that.

SPEAKER_03:

Well, and watching you, I mean, watching you step out of that old survival model and step into the new, and you started changing your habits around money, and you started like resisting the urge to have to watch it every day, and you started putting your attention, you know, like you're talking about living intentionally. You had this vision for your business and for your wife, you and your wife and your lifestyle to really make this a go. And you started aligning everything to that, and your actions started to follow that, and then all of a sudden, it's like you, you, you, the all the work has come to you. You've never had to go out and get it. You can hear listening to Bob talk, you're so incredibly talented at what you do. You have you naturally build incredible relationships, and like once you started to lean into all of this, there was so much more ease and joy in what you were doing, and you haven't had to do any of those things that you know compromised your values to grow your business. It's naturally aligned to who you are, and it's it's been incredible to witness.

SPEAKER_00:

You just said something that's critical alignment. When you are feeling stressed or angry or frustrated, it's like a car. Something's out of alignment when you feel a little bit of a turn or you feel a rougher ride below the floor of the car, something's out of alignment. Something isn't, it's all supposed to be working together, it's all supposed to be working side by side. Um, not out in front, not behind, but all working in a perfect alignment. And my purpose and my beliefs and my faith and my values were out of alignment at times in my work. And I wanted to get back in alignment. And now that I'm in alignment, I'm a hundred percent. Look, I'm not perfect, I'm not saying perfect, 100% doesn't mean perfect, but I'm 100% in alignment with where I'm going and what I'm doing. Right? I mean, I think you would agree this is you preach this every day.

SPEAKER_03:

Yeah, absolutely. And it's it's so I mean, people think they have to change who they are. I have clients say that all the time. Like, I I feel like I need to be different, and it's not about that. It's actually about becoming more of who you are and and getting rid of all the crap that causes you to behave in ways that are out of alignment for you. And when you start getting in alignment, there's more ease, there's more flow, there's more peace, there's more joy. And it's just been a joy to watch you. And um, and just see you come to life. Like even on this podcast. I mean, you're talking about doing your own podcast, Bob. I'm seeing it like it's it's right there, like you're a natural.

SPEAKER_00:

I know, I know. People say, Bob, here's the there was a major decision I made when I got married. This is my intentional. I had been a fake Christian. I had been living one life during the week and one life on the weekends. And when I met my wife, she was the first one who was honest and real with me, and she was the first one I had seen who really walked her faith. And I said, I want to be like her. She's my hero. And I was in theater and I said, I'm gonna be an actor. I started, I quit football because I was a big baby when I was uh a 10th grader, and instead of playing 11th grade, I just said I'm gonna do something else. I'll show you people. So I went into theater and I was very successful, but I was all full of myself. It's really tough to be in that arena and not be full of yourself. And so I went to college and I got leads. I had like seven or eight leads out of 13 major productions in my from like my junior year to my second year in college. And when I met my wife, the Lord said to me, You are not gonna be in theater, that's not a life for you. You will, you will ruin your life. Your personality, you you won't be able to do it, and so I want you to quit. Wow. And I went, I cried in my bed in my dorm when I heard the Lord say that. But it was the he goes, Bob, if you just walk in obedience, I will use what you have done for good, for my glory. And think about being fully present, attending to the audience, understanding your surroundings, being fully present in the moment, and not nothing else is getting in the way, but you are in, you are all in the character, you are all in life. That, I mean, like what you're seeing here, right? Uh, you guys can't see me, but um my face is super expressive. Yes, and uh, and I I talk with my hands. If you if you tape my hands together, I explode. But I I had this is what's cool. God has given me so many opportunities to use those giftings that he drew out of me in my early theater years around my presence and my just being with my kids or being all in, turning my phone off when I'm at dinner with my kids or when we're playing cards now that we have family together. Is we put all our phones, we say in the basket. It's in the basket. We all want to be fully present. That's what living in full alignment is. It's not just for a two year, three years or three months, it's for life. It's ongoing. Like what's that little thing they hang from the wall with a little um oh it makes sure the walls are straight. You know, you hang it. Oh, what's the word?

SPEAKER_03:

I can't remember what it's like.

SPEAKER_00:

A level, a level, a level, a level. No, it's not it swings. It swings, it's got a lead bow on it. Oh shoot, I don't know. Can't help you, but anyway, it it it it brings you back. It brings you back. Your purpose and what your intentionality is the anchor to your soul, so you can get recalibrated. You helped me, it was all there. You said it, Bob. It's all there, but you helped me recalibrate and get back to what was important and living that and being intent more intentional about saying it and living it and behaving in a and holding me accountable. Now, look, I'm not perfect. Like I got up this morning, I went to pay bills because I got up early, and my wife got up and sat on the couch because she knows what you and I have talked about, and she said, Um, are you doing are you doing your finance stuff? Caught you, and she didn't have to say anything else. I said, Well, we'll have extra time and oh, god darn it. So, you know, yeah, she's good.

SPEAKER_03:

Look, I'm not perfect, but we slip that's right, we all slip back. But then you have a choice.

SPEAKER_00:

No, yep, I do. I do have a choice. How do I want to show up, right? How do I show up in life? How do I want to show up today? Um, and you've said many times, how do you want to show up with each of your clients? How do you who do you want to be when you're with your client? And just helping me verbalize that. That's that's one of the great benefits of a coach.

SPEAKER_03:

So good, so good. It has been such an honor to support you, my friend. Such an honor. Thank you. I feel like I've been equally impacted by you. Hey, make the coach cry. It happens. Um, I want you to share where can people find out about the work that you're doing? Um, anything you want to share? Yeah, so they can see what you're up to.

SPEAKER_00:

Yes. Look, I I told my wife, by the way, one more thing I'll leave you with. I told I've told my wife this probably a dozen times over our our marriage. You know, like after 10 years, after 15, after 25, after 35, after 40. I even told it to her the other day. I said if I died today, I'd be a happy man. I would I would feel I gave it everything I could and I stayed the course. Because Jesus said, Well, I want Jesus to say, Well done, good and faithful servant, right? That's what we all want to hear. I want to hear the end. And anybody who doesn't believe in Jesus, look, if you think that the world came by happenstance, okay, and and then you give me Jesus and you give me that, if I have to pick, I'm sorry. I'm going with the Jesus thing, and I've got a better shot because if I'm wrong, no big deal. But no, if I'm wrong, but if I'm right, that's right. Big payoff, okay? W sorry, www.parsonscoaching lc.com is where you can get a hold of me. You can have a free discovery meeting with me. I'm not gonna charge you with uh for that. Just kind of if you just want Bob, I want to hear a little bit more about this coaching thing. Or you know, I've never had a coach before. How does this work? And I'm happy to talk to you about that. So www.parsons with an S. P-A-R-S-O-N-S, coaching L L C all one word, all lowercase.com, and you'll be able to reach me there. That's probably the best way. And also LinkedIn. You can get me on LinkedIn, Bob Parsons. Just look up Bob Parsons, executive coach, and that's a that's a good way to get a hold of me too.

SPEAKER_03:

Awesome. Also, check out his shift 360. If you're a leader and have a team, this is incredible work he's doing around the shift 360. So check that out. Bob, you're so great. I just enjoy spending time with you. So fun. I always laugh. I think I always cry. And I leave uh impacted. Thank you. And I know the people listening are too. Yeah, cool.

SPEAKER_00:

Do it again, Carla.

SPEAKER_03:

Have an amazing day, everyone.

SPEAKER_00:

Bye-bye.

SPEAKER_03:

Hey, thanks for listening all the way to the end. Before you move on with your day, pause and capture one thought or takeaway that stood out to you. Write it down so it doesn't get lost in the noise. And if you're ready to go deeper, come join me in my free monthly class. Conversation and guided writing to help you see things differently and move forward with clarity. Save your spot, CarlaReaves.com forward slash rebound.