Standing on the Sidelines: When Old Stories Hold Us Back

Have you ever left a room convinced you didn't belong, only to realize later that the real barrier wasn't the room at all?

In this episode, I share about a recent event, an hour-long drive home, and the old story that almost kept me from going back. 

Let's explore what it looks like to stop standing on the sidelines of our own lives, challenge the stories that keep us playing small, and get in the game of our life.

Enjoy!

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Transcript

A Call To Think Differently

SPEAKER_00 0:00

A deep change in the way that we live requires a deep change in the way that we think. I'm Carla Reeves, and this is Differently. Hey, welcome back to the Differently Podcast. If you are new, welcome. Thank you for being someone interested in interrupting default autopilot

The Networking Invite And High Hopes

SPEAKER_00 0:22

living. Today I have a story for you. Last month, I was driving home from a new networking meeting I had attended, and by the time I got home, I had completely convinced myself that I was never going to go back. The funny thing is, nothing actually went wrong. The crazy thing is, nothing bad happened at all. The event was great, the women were thoughtful, the conversations were real and meaningful. But my mind, by the time I had gotten home, had written an entirely different story. Let me tell you what happened. So I got invited to attend a networking meeting. I, it's a women's luncheon, and I was going to be speaking at it in the coming months. And she asked that you attend before you speak. So it's an hour away. And I was driving there and really thinking about it and excited to be a part of it. And I thought, gosh, if this goes great, I might do this every month. I would be willing to drive an hour each direction if it was a great event. And it gives me time to just be quiet and listen to podcasts and audiobooks, which I'm sure you enjoy doing

Walking In Feeling Like An Outsider

SPEAKER_00 1:32

too. I pulled in the parking lot, I walked in, and I immediately had that feeling. I'm sure you know the one. Everyone is already engaged in conversation. It felt like everyone knows each other. There wasn't an obvious place to jump in without feeling like a, you know, major interruption to make myself feel comfortable. And started feeling aware, like, oh gosh, maybe I'm the only new one here. Maybe you've felt that way before too. So I grabbed my lunch, I found a seat. And shortly after the event started, the event itself was really good. The presentation was good. It was on stress and how women manage stress. And there was so much interactive and really great conversation. There were a lot of different aged women in the room, and there was a lot of wisdom being shared between uh older women and younger women. It was beautiful. I engaged a little bit. The meeting ended. I thanked the woman who invited me and I quietly slipped out. I didn't connect or really meet anybody. I got to the car, and that's when things got interesting. I had

A Great Room With Real Talk

SPEAKER_00 2:43

the hour drive home and my mind started going crazy, telling me things like, These aren't your people, this isn't your thing, you're not good at groups, you don't fit in, you probably don't ever want to come back to this. And I was literally even telling myself that I don't I don't think I want to go do that speaking thing there either. And by the time I'd gotten home, I had an entire case built against ever returning.

The Drive Home And The Spiral

SPEAKER_00 3:10

It all felt true and justified. I later was talking to my husband and he was asking about my day and how it was, and he immediately could tell like something wasn't great for me. And I told him, like, I'm giving myself an F today for social interaction. We laughed, and yes, it's a little dramatic. And um, but it really felt true. Like I didn't connect with anybody. I drove all that way. I didn't feel like I showed up or made any kind of impact. And I just really didn't show up the way I wanted to. Have you ever felt like that? Like you leave an experience realizing that you were just kind of on the outskirts looking in instead of getting in the pool. But as I kept sharing, I realized what a gift being in that room had actually been. When I got past the judgments, I actually realized that they, the room itself was not the problem. The women were not the problem. The event was not the problem. The problem was I never fully got in the pool. I dipped my toe in, I stood on the side and observed

The F Grade And The Pattern

SPEAKER_00 4:18

it all and watched and got close to the edge, but never fully participated. I was watching from a distance, playing small, holding back and staying safe, which honestly is a real familiar pattern for most of my life. And as I kept talking to my husband, I realized I almost missed the gift of the day because I was too focused on myself, figuring out whether I belonged or not. The room itself was a gift. The experience was a gift. It reminded me

Realizing I Never Got In

SPEAKER_00 4:52

the power of gathering and talking about real things. It reminded me of the wisdom that happens in a room when people are willing to be honest. And it reminded me why I love creating spaces where people can think and write and share and see things differently and walk away with a new perspective. And that was exactly what I needed because I was getting ready to host my Write Your Life Forward class that week and the conversation club that week. And I needed that reminder to go all in. I looked at my husband and I said, I'm going back. Something was stirring inside of me that was different. And I was ready to give myself an opportunity to go back and get a better grade, to take the focus off of me and put

Choosing To Go Back All In

SPEAKER_00 5:36

it on others and to show up in the face of my fears because I'm not going to let that old story right my future anymore. That's not the game I'm playing anymore, even though it sometimes feels so familiar and easy to slip back into. I have a dear friend, Petra, who once said something I will never forget. She said, I don't show up to feel the energy in the room. I show up to bring energy to the room. And I want to do more of that. I want to show up in my life, whether it's here, in a business meeting, in my marriage, in my business with my clients, in my friendships. I don't want to stand on the sidelines. How about you, friend? As you listen to my story, where are you standing on the sidelines in your life? Is there a story that you're believing about yourself,

Bring Energy Instead Of Taking It

SPEAKER_00 6:32

one that's old and outdated? And is there one step you could take that aligns with the way you want to show up? It's never too late. One of the reasons I host spaces like the Write Your Life Forward free class that I host monthly and the new Conversation Club is because I know how easy it is to live inside of a story that is old and outdated without realizing it. And sometimes we just need a place to slow down, think, get some distance from our own

One Small Step And An Invitation

SPEAKER_00 7:06

thoughts and emotions right and get some outside perspective. If that sounds like something you need right now, I'd love to have you join the free class or the conversation club. You can find out all the upcoming events at carlareeves.com. Okay, friend, that's all I've got for today. I will see you next week. Hey, thanks for listening all the way to the end. Before you move on with your day, pause and capture one thought or takeaway that stood out to you. Write it down so it doesn't get lost in the noise. And if you're ready to go deeper, come join me in my free monthly class, conversation and guided writing to help you see things differently and move forward with clarity. Save your spot, Carlareeves.com forward slash free class.