Standing on the Sidelines - Part 2

Have you ever let one uncomfortable experience convince you that you didn't belong, weren't capable, or should stop trying?

In the previous episode "Standing on the Sidelines", I shared the story of a networking luncheon where my old survival story nearly convinced me never to go back.

In this follow-up episode, I share what happened when I returned with a different mindset, a clear intention, and a willingness to show up differently.

The room hadn't changed.

The people hadn't changed.

But my experience changed completely.

If you've ever struggled with overthinking, self-doubt, or feeling stuck inside an old story, this episode is a reminder that you have more agency than you realize. Sometimes a simple shift in perspective can open the door to an entirely new experience.

Grab your notebook, and let's explore what it looks like to stop letting old stories dictate your future and begin writing a new one.

Enjoy!

Learn more about Carla:
Website: https:/www.carlareeves.com/

Get The Differently Journal:
https://carlareeves.com/journal

Connect on Pinterest: https://www.pinterest.com/differentlyco/
Connect on LI: https://www.linkedin.com/in/reevescarla/
Connect on Youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@differentlythepodcast

Go to https://carlareeves.com/free-class to get The Class schedule, sign up, and/or pass it on to a friend.  Come hang out and learn with us for FREE!

Book a Complimentary Strategy Call with Carla:  https://bookme.name/carlareeves/strategycall

• If you enjoyed this episode, be sure to share it with a friend. 
• A free way to support our show is by leaving a five-star rating and review on your favorite podcast player. It’s a chance to tell us what you love about the show and it helps others discover it, too. 

Thank you for listening!

Transcript

When One Moment Becomes A Story

SPEAKER_00 0:00

A deep change in the way that we live requires a deep change in the way that we think. I'm Carla Reeves, and this is differently. Have you ever let one experience convince you of something? Maybe it was an uncomfortable situation or a missed opportunity or a meeting that went awry or just an interaction that was hard. And before you know it, you've written a story or put emphasis on an old story that's been around a while that says, I'm not good at this, or these aren't my people, or I guess this is just how my life's gonna go. If you're answering yes, welcome to being human. And may this be your reminder today where you have power to change this. I shared in the last episode a story of attending a women's luncheon that I almost never went back to for this very reason. I had my old survival model show up in a big way after that, during and after that meeting, that had me convinced, like I don't belong, I don't like doing these group things, and I just shouldn't go back. But at the end of writing about that and reflecting on that experience and talking about that experience with my husband, I realized I do want to go back because that's not the story I want to write or tell in my life. And I want to show up and I want to be courageous and I want to connect with people and I want to share the work I do with people because it really, really helps people change this very thing so that they can write a new story and have agency and power in their life to do so. So today I want to tell you what happened when I did go back because it was so night and day different, and it's such a vivid example of the power of our minds and how we must take the reins of our thoughts so that they don't dictate our future. So go back and listen to the last episode for the full story.

Setting Intentions For A Do-Over

SPEAKER_00 2:02

But here's what happened this time. What I did different this time, one was I think the key piece is I wanted to go back and create a new experience. And it's never too late. You can do this too. So the night before the event, I pulled out my notebook and I really was thinking about why do I want to go back? And what do I want, like what would be an ideal outcome of this next event? And I wrote down a bunch of things. I wrote down one, the first event, I gave myself an F for my social interaction, which was a little dramatic, but it felt real. And I wanted to go back and get a better grade. And so I wrote that down. I wrote that I wanted to be present and I wanted to be engaged, I wanted to be interested in the women in the room and really bring my whole self into the room because the first time I found that I was sort of on the outside looking in and judging and evaluating and telling myself all kinds of things that weren't true. I wanted to go in with an open heart and confident and standing tall and greet people warmly. Those were the kind of the intentions I wrote down. And then I got a good night's sleep. I took care of my energy that next morning so that I felt really good.

The Return That Changed Everything

SPEAKER_00 3:21

And it was such a night and day difference that I had to come back and tell you how it went because I literally pulled up in the parking lot. And as I did, there was another woman pulling in almost like facing me. And so we got out of our cars at the exact same time and made really like this instant connection that was so warm. And as we're walking in, she's uh asked me what I do, and I shared with her that I work with overthinking, high-achieving women and help them turn mental chaos into clarity and forward momentum. And she looks at me and she says, I need you. Um, and then she smiled and said, This is divine timing. So that was my first interaction. What a what a huge difference. Um, and then I walked in and the hostess introduced um us to another group of ladies. And before I knew it, I was in a circle of women just connecting and hearing what people do. And then we got lunch and sat down, and I sat next to my new friend that I had met in the parking lot, and we had just some really nice interactions throughout um the presentation. And then at the very end, I won the raffle, which was like this beautiful bag of first like themed summer travel with, I mean, just loaded with these beautiful gifts. So that was like the icing on the cake. Um, I left excited. I can't wait to go back, inspired about what I'm gonna speak about next month because I really got a sense of these women this time, and on and on and on. I got home, I had energy after an hour drive. I was still just kind of buzzing last night from the excitement of it all. And

How Old Stories Shrink Your Life

SPEAKER_00 5:02

I thought about it later that had I listened to that old story and never gone back, I would have missed so many beautiful interactions yesterday. I might have missed an opportunity to help somebody with services I offer right when they need it. She might have not have had that connection of what she needed yesterday. I would have missed these other women that I connected with. I would have missed really understanding these women so that I can go back and really share information that really serves and helps them and on and on and on. I'm reminding myself and you that these old stories, they can be so convincing and they can cause us to shrink and play small and uh not step out and do things that feel a little bit scary, and they really affect the way we see how we how and whether we interact, they impact what our ability to hear what someone's saying because we're looking through a lens of an old story. So we often misunderstand what people are actually saying. It impacts how available, how available we are and what we do next. And I see this every day working with women, a woman who believes that she doesn't measure up or she doesn't belong, she doesn't fit in or doesn't have some anything to contribute. She can enter into a conversation with her husband and feel so easily defeated and misunderstood, not because of what he says, but because of the lens that she is looking through. She can leave a work meeting defeated because her boss, while doing his job, is asking her a lot of questions about the work or the project that she's doing. But to her, if you're looking through the lens of I don't measure up or I don't have anything to contribute, this she leaves these meetings always feeling, reinforcing the story that she doesn't measure, measure up. And so she shrinks a little bit more. And so she plays small or stays quiet or rehashes every conversation or situation throughout the day, wondering how she was perceived. This can be exhausting. I was this woman, and as you can see in my stories, I still have to practice this. It still happens to me. And I want you to know that these are confident women, successful women. And on the outside, nobody would know this. Um, this is all the underworkings that rob their peace of mind, rob their energy and their just the good work that they are here to do. And without realizing it, as we do this, we're collecting more evidence for how these old stories are true. And before long, we can get resigned and stop trying and just living as this as though this is the truth. And this is why I'm so passionate about helping women and men get out of survival because it's an outdated operating and thinking system that is not allowing you to be your best and shine your bright light. So I'm here to remind you that this is not the truth, and you have more agency than you realize. We do not have to be defined by the old stories about who we are and what we're capable of, but we do have to participate in writing a new one. And that's what this story just so vividly showed, and so I knew I wanted to share this with you. So I want to invite you to look into my story, but look into your own life. Where might an old story quietly be having a huge impact on how you show up, on how you communicate, on how you navigate that next step? Where have you accepted an old story as the final sentence on your life? And what if it isn't? Where is it time in your life to step out and do differently? Maybe it's a conversation that's coming up, maybe it's a meeting you're gonna attend, and maybe that meeting always goes a certain way, and you've become resigned to it being any different or a project you're working on. What if the way you show up could shift the experience and outcome of those things? You have far more agency than you realize to shape the quality and experience of your life without your circumstances changing at all. Did you hear that? You have far more agency than you realize to shape the quality of your life without your circumstances changing. Nothing changed about that room, nothing changed about the women, nothing changed about how that day went, except my mind and the way I showed up and played. And that's available to you too. You don't need a different life, you don't need a different situation. Maybe you just needed this reminder to call out the lies and the old stories and the thoughts that weigh you down so that you can begin writing a new story. A simple shift in perspective can create a whole new experience. This

Write What Could Go Right

SPEAKER_00 10:24

can start in a notebook, like I shared, it did for me. So instead of worrying about the next big thing that you need to do, the conversation, the meeting, the project. And instead of fearing what might go wrong or could go wrong, I want to invite you to stop and write down what could go right. If you think about what's your ideal outcome for that thing that you have to go do or need to go do or want to go do, what's the ideal outcome? Set your eyes somewhere new and then ask yourself, what is within my ability to control and shift that just might shift the outcome? Who do you need to be and how do you want to show up? Get specific about those outcomes, kind of like I did. Just get out a piece of paper. It only takes three to five minutes. I have seen leaders spend five minutes before a meeting just jotting down these very things, an ideal outcome, and how they want to show up, and have that five minutes of writing completely alter the outcome in the very best way. This moment of writing just can give you perspective, can set your eyes somewhere new. And when you're when you create an intention, that changes your posture, the way in which you walk into that room. And when your posture changes, both your mental and physical, your participation changes. And when you're showing up fully and open, that opens the door for something amazing to happen. Okay, friend, it's your turn. I believe in you. Hey,

One Takeaway And A Next Step

SPEAKER_00 12:13

thanks for listening all the way to the end. Before you move on with your day, pause and capture one thought or takeaway that stood out to you. Write it down so it doesn't get lost in the noise. And if you're ready to go deeper, come join me in my free monthly class, conversation and guided writing to help you see things differently and move forward with clarity. Save your spot, Carlareeves.com forward slash free class.